1. U S 81 - 9 PARENTING PREPARING FOR LIFE GURURAJ: Good. Question. VOICE: I have two this morning, and I think Guruji's been able to meld them together. So, Rosemary, where are you? Okay. ROSEMARY: Where did you get your socks? [LAUGHTER] GURURAJ: Where... what? ROSEMARY: Where did you get your socks? GURURAJ: Where did I get my socks? ROSEMARY: I'm teasing you. GURURAJ: Ah, yes, yes. Well, it's the only pair I've got, so I've got to wash it every night. [LAUGHTER] ROSEMARY: This is actually Bea's question. GURURAJ: Um hm. ROSEMARY: We love our chil dren, we protect them from harm as much as we can, but they have to grow up and leave the nest. And we can't interfere too much in that. Sometimes we have to watch them make mistakes and that hurts us. How do we let them go? GURURAJ: Beautiful.
2. U S 81 - 9 VOICE: Peter? PETER: In life all things seem to prepare for other preparations. For example, high school will prepare you for college or your doctorate for you career in life. My question is do these preparations ever stop, and if so what are they lead ing to? GURURAJ: Um hm. Preparations never stop. Preparation is an ongoing process. You prepare a candle and you prepare matches, and after lighting the candle has your preparations stopped? No. You have begun the preparation of the flame, so the f lame too now becomes a process. What does the flame prepare itself for? To give light and to give heat. So life is an ongoing process. So one goes on in this process. The whole secret is not be too involved in the process, for when one is just involved in the process then stagnation occurs. One has to be conscious of the process, and one has to have the acceptance that this must be. And because it has to be, the process has to be there, because there is no distinction from being and the process. Motio n has to be in the stillness, and stillness has to be in motion. Otherwise, everything would become static. Everything would be death. And as you have heard me saying so many times before there is no death, all is but life. So life can only function bec ause of motion, and motion is the process. As soon as you stop the motion or try to stop the motion, you are trying to do something that is impossible. It can never be successful. But to merge away in this motion regarding it to be a process and to move with the motion would be following the laws of nature. Then you are natural. The top spins, reaches its height of speed, and yet in all that spinning it seems so still. It seems as if it is unmoving, and yet it is in full speed. So what does man do in this process is to be still amidst all the speed. It is the secret to find action in inaction, and inaction in action. The two could be beautifully combined. It is not a contradiction, for all opposites too are but one. S o when the child goes from juni or school to high school and then goes to university, takes up a profession say becomes a doctor, for example so one cycle has been completed: the education cycle has been completed. But the completion of the one cycle gives momentum to another cycl e, a beginning of another cycle of practicing that which has been learned. So there one strives again. One is involved again in this process. You become a surgeon and in this process as you go on sincerely, you'll find that your operations would become better and better. There comes to a time where you'll throw the book away, the rules away, that you must cut in a certain way, or you must not cut in a certain way. You throw the book away. And then you start cutting or slicing, not from the mind and t he book level but from a deeper level. And that is what true surgeons are made of, real surgeons. They use the laws that have been taught to them, not for the sake of the laws that they have learned, but the laws just become
3. U S 81 - 9 guidelines. And therein too with the bondage of those laws, you find freedom. And the most seemingly difficult operation becomes so spontaneous, so easy, and so joyful and the patient becomes well. And that's the difference between a good surgeon and a mediocre one. The mediocr e one, "it says the book says this and that's what I do." But the other surgeon that combines his intuitive knowledge by having practiced meditation and spiritual practices, where he has found the way to tap the inner sources, those very laws in this proc ess assumes a totally different quality. And that is the mark of a genius. That is the genius! The other is just but a plodder. And this applies to all kinds of work. All kinds of wor k. If a musician just plays according to the notes she reads, notate d music, it would become mechanical. But yet, sticking to those very notes if that other element from within is added onto those notes, then you could do even better than what the composer had intended to do. For here with your music you are adding to th e poetry of your heart and without improvisation. Sticking to the letter of the law, and yet the very mechanics becomes a poem. You see. Not only for your pleasure, but for the joy of your audience, people that hear you. So where does the process end, Pe ter asks. Never ends. Never ends until the day comes when you reach that total oneness with the Divine, when the body is shed, the mind is shed, the subtle body is gone with all its ramifications, with al l its samskaras and impressions. When all that fad es away, it takes many, many lifetimes. According to a certain theology it took you eighty four thousand lives to be where you are today. Now, I cannot vouch for the numerical accuracy of the statement, but one can just say from that that we have lived m any, many lifetimes. There has been a whole span of lifetimes in this span of life. Do you see. So you have reached the stage after so, so many more lifetimes. And there are many, many more lifetimes to come to learn. And that very learning is the proc ess. That very learning is climbing up the spiral ladder. And each step has its joys, has its sorrows, has its law of opposites until the final step is reached and tot al mergence is gained: the body is lost, the subtle body is lost, the ego self is lost, the mind is gone, and you become the pure primal spirit again and merge into that impersonal God we spoke about. The process ends there? Do you think so? No. All these teachers, gurus, they tell you it ends there. It does not. For in merging in that infinite energy, you are used again, over and over again recycled in the creation of another universe. For the universes also function in cycles. Also function in cycles. So that very primal energy that you have merged into is activated again in a new creation, and you are part of that creation. That little atomic structure follows on and on and on until you reach and merge away again, and that is what is known by eternity. For anything that ends can never be eternal. So there is no question, Pe ter, of an end. But there is the question of finding that ultimate peace that passeth all understanding. And it has to pass, because understanding is very limited. It just gives the mind a temporary bit of peace. It's a kind of valium pill, or a... I d on't know the names of these things that people use. Yeah. It brings you into a little certain state. But to come down again from it, from that euphoria.... But that final peace attained in mergence lasts a lon g
4. U S 81 - 9 time. And you are not aware of that pea ce. You are not aware of that peace, because you are not there. You have become the peace. There is no one outside you. There is no one outside the peace to recognize the peace. You are the peace! You are the flower! And in the next cycle, the flowe r must give off its fragrance again. Water evaporates into the air, makes clouds be formed into clouds comes down as rain. That same rain, same water, evaporates again but to come down again. Nothing is destroyed, nothing is added. Only these cha nges take place. Change, change, change, all the time in the relative existence. In the relative existence. And I put a new proposition to you this morning that there is no such thing as changeless. We say that for explanatory purposes, to reach from the changing to the unchanging. The unchanging, there's no such thing. It's a fallacy. For God in His infinity is also changing. Isn't he involved in you that are changing all the time? So He's also changing. How can that infinite force be stagnant? The re is no stagnation, it's a flow. And all flows have a change, but one difference. Although the water flows in the river, you find it here, in the middle, and in the end. Same water enjoying itself, bubbling , yet unaware of its laughter and its bubbling melody. You see. So even the concept of the changeless is a fallacy. One difference, that in that which is called the changeless is joy though changing. There is a stillness like the top I've mentioned to you, in high speed but when you look at it you think it is standing still. So even Divinity is changing, but that change is in stillness. Your relative change is in turbulence. That's the difference. You see. So when one proceeds from one stage to the other and then to the next in spiral fashion, you need this rest in between. Because the journey is long and the feet get tired, you become weary, you need to rest. And that is what we call death, leaving this body. The body gets tired, it must be discarded like an old suit. But to put on a new su it again and be involved in the process. And that rest is required, for in the subtle state you are more concentrated. And in that more concentratedness you can evaluate the next step that you have to take. You can evaluate the past to formulate... eval uate to formulate the next step. That is what happens. So man's destiny is to find that peace. And peace is stillness but vibrating at such a high level that the very change is no t noticed, for there is no one to see it, to observe it. You are gone. And have you heard the singing of a top at high speed? That ziinnggg. Huh? And you are that ziinnggg, that ohmm, that aimmm, that hrimm, that krimm... [LAUGHTER] Ahh, these are the secrets that I have fortunately discovered which I share with you. And you become that melody. The melody of all existence, not created by the top but created by its own momentum at that high rate of vibration. You see, Peter? So on and on we go. Onward Christian soldiers. On and on we go, but we go from turbulence to lesse r and lesser and lesser turbulence. Until stillness is reached, which knows of not the kind of turbulence we know of, but a vibratory motion singing away in all joy and glory.
5. U S 81 - 9 Now the child grows up. He is in this process. How much must the parent inter fere with that process? How much has the parent to interfere with the process? We have no right over our child at all. The only right we have is the right of lo ve. And you are not loving your child, remember that. You think you love your child, you do n't. You are just expressing that which is within you, and using your child using, using, using. Using your child as an object, which is a good thing. And then when man reaches the stage where he has the same love for every child, huh? Doug's son is my son. My flesh and blood. Aren't we all of the same flesh and blood? What difference is there? None? Ken's son and his friend, my children, they are mine, my flesh and blood. We are made of the same particles. The same blood. There is only one bl ood. There is only one bread. There's only one God. There's only one of everything. So you lose the difference: oh, his child and my child. No. John's child is so naughty, but my child is an angel, always. Your child is an angel. Other people's chil dren are naughty. You see. And then parents get involved. Parents quarrel about children. Yes, my child is good. Your child did this. Wrong. It's totally wrong. It is our children having their little fun, and children's fun could be mischief. Why n ot? And what's wrong with mischief? Nothing. Nice to be mischievous. I'm very mischievous, too. Two kinds of mischievousness, huh. There's chief in mischief. Yeah. Be the chief of the mischief, then you are in control of the play you are playing. Y ou are in control of it. It does not master you, you master it. And you play a game, you have fun. You laugh, joke, make love, but you are the master of it. A child's mischief is an expression of innocence. That's innocence mischief, innocent mischief . So it's all good. Nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. Now, how much right do we have over the child? We think that we love the child. Do we really love the child? That every person must ask the question to himself for himself. And he must be honest to himself. And there are many mothers, for example and this is quite a thing all over the world nine times out of ten it is not love, it is possessiveness. My ch ild. I'll educate my child, give him this, give him that and everything, and when he gro ws up and has a good business or a profession, he will look after me. You are doing business with your child. You are doing business. I'm going to give you this, so I expect you to do that for me. I must love my child because I want to express that whi ch is within me. I, in other words, I love love. And I use the object. And the object can be my child, my wife, my guru, my chela. That can be my object, where you have to have objects to concretize that quality of love which is abstract. So what do I do? I do not really love my child, I love love. Do you see. Now, when you love love, it becomes an offering. Now, when you make an offering, when you give a gift, an offering is a gift, you do not expect any return. Oh, so it's Sally's birthday, so I bought her this for a gift. Fine. Next month is Jean's birthday, so Jean thinks... Jean does not get a present from Sally. Jean feels hurt. I gave a gift, I didn't get one back. Are you doing business, or are you loving your friend? I give a gift, I must get a gift back. No, no, no, no, that's so wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Rather not give the gift to Sally in the first place. If you're going to give, give with an open heart your g ift.
6. U S 81 - 9 You give your children the gift of your love. And because you love, you would like to see the child grow and find greater happiness within himself or herself. That would be your desire. And if it is a sincere desire it is a valid desire, because that desire is a tangible expression of the abstract love. You see. So yo u have no right over your child, but you have the right to love. And the child is an object of your love. Now, it would be the duty of parents to guide the child. To guide the child for the child's benefit. We try and give our children good education, but more than that, better understanding. We teach our children how to communicate well, because if we can communicate well, children learn that. So automatically, you do not need to sit down with a stick and say, "Right, communicate." No, you can't do t hat. So children learn more by example. In a loving relationship between man and wife, you will invariably find children that would also have a loving disposition because they learn by example. Now, this is the way children are to be trained: you have t o be stern, you have to use the strap. It pains you more than what it would pain the child, but you are doing it. You plant your roses and you have to prune. You have to prune. You're hurting this poor stem by cutting it, but that little hurt is tempor ary. Because from that another shoot grows more powerful, more beautiful. That plant is perpetuated in its beauty. So that is why you have to use the strap: you have to do pruning. You have to use some form of discipline. But here, how do we use disci pline? That is the art of bringing up children. Discipline does not mean that you stand with a stick, "Go do this!" No. It does not mean that. You are forcing something upon a child, and that's mechanical. Anyone can do that: sit down! Stand up! Th is, that. Sleep! Go to the toilet! No. To discipline without disciplining, that is the art. Like our tratak. To get the mind concentrated without concentrating. How does one do that? Now, if the child is taught the ways of love by your very example, loving example, then that disciplining would become very easy and joyful for the child and for yourself. So the child wants to go to the movies to see kung fu, karate and all this bloodshed and violence and fighting. He wants to go and see it. Now, you can tell him, "You stay at home. You are not going." You can do that. Now, the child won't go because the child fears you: dad or mom is going to give me a whacking. That's the place we try to find on the map. [LAUGHTER] [We ? were going last night?] Yah. That's a little private joke between myself and Robin. [HE LAUGHS] Good. The child will obey because of fear. So what you are doing, you are implanting a negative quality in the child's mind, the quality of fear, which will manifest itself throu ghout his life in different ways and different forms. But if the child is given some explanation, a convincing explanation filled with love, that why you should not go and see this bloodshed. You want to go to the movies, yes, by all means. Look, here's another picture that's playing which is very nice. I can't remember names of pictures. Try that, I'm sure you'll like it. Look, I'll come with you. And after that we'll go for a drive and we'll go to the soda pop s hop too. Yeah. Things like that. Th ere's a sweetness, there's a love flowing. You see. An automatic discipline is there.
7. U S 81 - 9 You've taken the child's mind away without repressing it, without controlling it. And you've taken the child's mind away into a different direction. And then with explanation, understanding and communication with the children... with a child is so important, for if that communication is not maintained the child will run wild. And that is why we have so much juvenile delinquency in the world today. Ju venile delinquency starts at home, then it finds its expression with its peer group, and then further expressions with the environment. That is how it all starts. So in this communication, this communication of love, not expecting anything from the child , no. Expectation is the mother of disappointment. Do not expect and you will not be disappointed. You see. Right. So that communication is established not when the child starts getting sense only. It is established from the very moment the child is bo rn. The mother has been having communication with the child since it was in the womb on a more subtler level. Yeah. You know, in the East they have a custom, in the East they have a custom that when a woman is seven months pregnant they have a prayer cer emony. And the... that's for the first baby. And the woman is taken to her parents home, her mother and father's home, where... who could look after a daughter better than a mother? That's a normal thing, really. But in today's world nothing is normal a nymore. Very few things are. The mother looks after the daughter in the father in law and mother in law's house because they lived as united families. There's very seldom a question of separation. But in today's world all has changed. But this was wh at was. This is what was. Fine. So the woman goes to her parent's home, the mother looks after the daughter. The daughter's never given hard work, just light duties to occupy herself. In those times there were no flour mills. You know, you buy ready made flour or packets from the supermarkets. Everything was done at home. Grain was ground at home. Two flat pieces of stone with a hole in the middle where the grain, the corn or the wheat, is thrown in and you rotate it until it becomes flour. Hard wo rk. Hard work. That's why they were more healthier. That's why there were less doctors at that time too. [LAUGHTER] Right. So the pregnant woman is given more rest, but she has to do one thing, and this is a must. She has to spend as much time as poss ible reading religious books, uplifting books, uplifting thoughts, being in the company of the holy, listening to words of wisdom. Now, all those things that the woman is thinking about has a definite effect on the womb, on the mind of the child. A defi nite, positive effect. Science has proved it. Science has proved it. A woman was passing on the road and witnessed an accident. And in this car accident what this woman noticed most was the man's bashed head, but more the hair. And she was so impressed with that it made a picture in her mind, a strong picture. So when the child was born it had a mole with a few hairs on the face through the mole few long hairs. You see. Now, this is... it's a physiological thing. But more so on the mind level.
8. U S 81 - 9 So the communication starts since when the woman is three, four months pregnant. A communication between mother and child has started already. It is such a thing today in today's modern society where the child is born and the nurse takes the child awa y, puts on a tag, takes it away and... away from the mother. No, I don't like that. A child is born, perhaps cleaned up, or even not cleaned up, let it lay on the mother's stomach, on the mother's breast, huh? That child is so used to and... in the womb and has been used to the rhythm of the mother's heartbeat. Now, it has come out into a different world, a different atmosphere. A different atmosphere. It has been fed in the womb by the mother all the time. No, it is used to that rhythm and yet they t ake the child, snatch it away from the mother and take it to some other cold room where there's a million other children shouting their heads off. [Hold?] the child. A mother must be close to the child, let it not feel alone. It creates a certain kind o f shock in the child. Let it lay on the mother's breast and feel it is not alone. Still with the mother, still with the rhythm of that heartbeat, still with that warmth. And intuitively children can feel so much, can feel that closeness, that nearness, that love. And then today this business about bottle feeding. Oh, it's terrible. A baby's not even two months old, or a month old, and onto the bottle, because the mothers are so busy nowadays. Why in the hell do they get pregnant in the first place the n, if they are so busy? They're not too busy for that! They're not too busy for copulation. But too busy to care for the baby. I speak very plainly and openly. I don't pull my punches. Yeah. So what could be the best nutrition but mother's milk. Th e whole body of the child is adjusted to the mother's body. And mother's milk is the best. Perhaps, through some defect there is no milk. You are forced to put on the bottle, okay. But as far as possible a child should be fed as long as possible on the breast: seven, eight, nine months. Yes. Yes. And in this feeding of the child over this period, do you see the thing I'm driving at? Not only the food value or nutrition, but the communication, the warmth, the love. The titties express so much love, you'd be surprised. You see. Communication. Now, that communication, if carried on, will naturally make the child obey what you tell the child to do. Children must have obedience, that is the injunction. Everyone says that. Children must obey, obedie nce. But what method are you using to create the condition in the child to find obedience in the child? Now, this is the way it starts. So then discipline would become without trying to discipline, automatic, spontaneous discipline. Papa says, "Don't g o to Kung Fu, and this that, gives lots of reasons, explains. And the child says, "Yes, papa knows right." Not rebelliously, but lovingly, understandingly. Faith develops. The child has faith and confidence in the mother and the father that they won't g uide me wrong. Because the communication is there, faith develops. So mothers and fathers are now used by the child for the development of faith within themselves. They have an object to whom they have faith. And that faith further leads in their life t o the faith in the Divine. You see where education starts, where religion starts, where communication starts, where love starts: right in the womb. From there. You see. And that
9. U S 81 - 9 is how a child has to be brought up. And if children are brought up in th is way, they do become better citizens of this world. More worthy people. More worthy people. Better people. And then you can be proud. Although I do not advocate... Do not have pride, but you can be proud. It's a different thing. It's a different thi ng. Pride is one thing. To be proud is a different thing. And then you can be proud that I've done my best to grow up my child in the right way. [END SIDE ONE] GURURAJ: Yeah. See he always clicks, that thing clicks at the end of sentence. Full stop . [LAUGHTER] You know, I think there must be some, Ken? Bill Kenna? there must be some kind of communication between you, me, and your tape recorder. Because that tape recorder also has consciousness, remember. It does. It does. I'll talk about it some other time, how it has consciousness and sensitivity. Sometimes there is more sensitivity than human beings. [LAUGHTER] Yah. Yah. I can prove that to you. Nevertheless, to get back to what we were talking about. So the time comes when the son wants to get married or the daughter wants to get married. Now, if proper communication has been there you do not feel a loss of the daughter or the son leaving home. Because that communication that has been established is never broken, because it is a c ommunication of the mind and of the soul. And then the thing of possession is not there, tying the child to one's apron strings is not there. And yet when the child is on his own, you still have the feelings, you must because communication is not broken, that may he be happy, progress in his chosen way of life. And you have that. You're always meeting together with the deepest love. And because of your son that you love so much, you will love the daughter in law also very much. Because if you love you r daughter so much, you will love your son in law also so much, because you will find that your daughter in law is but a projection of your son. Do you see. Then those mother in law jokes we hear so much, you know, they'll all stop. This thing about mot her in laws, you know all those. I can tell you a dozen now. Nevertheless, it's not necessary. Yah. There's no conflict. Ah, my son's wife, how beautiful. I know this. My son got married about a year and a half ago. Yeah. You love. It is the love now to your son and to that which is part and parcel of him, his wife. So it is never ending. And when true love is there, there is no attachment. Because the basis of all attachments is expecting a return. In the return, not only in its monetary form or return of love or return of this or that, no, it is love for the sake of love. Love and love is for the sake of love, there is no attachment. There's no attachment, but there is this feeling, this desire is there , this hope is there for the well being of the children. You must never expect any return from your children. For know this
10. U S 81 - 9 that you have just done your duty. If you wanted to produce the child you have assumed a certain responsibility, and you are just carrying out your responsibility. Now, how does the child repay you for the things that you have done now? Bringing it up, washing its backside, changing its nappies, sending it to school, you know, and all the things that are involved in bringing up a child. And we know, we parents know, th at sometimes it is quite hard on us. Quite hard on us. Fine. How does the child repay you? The child must not repay you. Never have that expectation. The only way the child can repay the gift that you have given is for that child to do unto his childr en that which was done unto him. You see. You see. So now every child is brought up in the way that I have outlined, then he, too, will do that for his children. And that is h ow we are in this never ending process of life. And that is what we call perp etuation, not necessarily of the species, but the perpetuation of that eternal, infinite, joyous, glorious love. If the world can function in that way what a happy world this will be. But it is not. The best we can do is on an individual basis. There wi ll always be delinquencies, there will always be this, there will always be that as long as this world lasts. Our worry, our problem is what we can do, how we can do. Yah. The parents were very interested in their child, so one day the father thought, "Let me test this boy," you know, "what he is going to become when he grows up." So mother and father hid away. But before they did that they put a ten dollar note on the table. That would represent businessman. Then they put a Bible next to it on the ta ble. That represents a preacher, one that would go into teaching religion. And next to that they put a bottle of scotch. That represented the bum. Ten dollar bill, the Bible and the bottle of scotch. So here they were hiding away. O.K. Here little J ohnny comes in and he sees that on the table. He picks up the note, puts it to the light to see if it's counterfeit or not, [LAUGHTER] and puts it into his pocket. [ Bell rings in background] Then he pages through the Bible. Ah, Bible, puts it under hi s arm. And he takes the bottle of scotch and puts it in his bag, and he walks out of the room. So the mother asks, "Well, dad, what do you think he is going to be?" So dad replies, "A politician." [MUCH LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] Oh, these politicians are f unny people. It's the profession of the second best. I think that is what Rousseau or Voltaire said. Yeah. Which is very true. Very cunning. One day a mediocre politician made a public statement which was published in the newspapers. He challenged t his senator... he was a good man. I suppose this minor politician was seeking some publicity. There are many ways of getting that. Fine. So this senator did not take up the challenge. The minor politician challenged him to a public debate. You decide the place, the venue and the time. The senator did not take up the challenge, but he did reply. He said, "If I take up your challenge, then you will become famous by knowing that you challenged a lion." Right. "If I should concede to your challenge, th en for at least a month people will know that I fought with a skunk." [LAUGHTER] You see.
11. U S 81 - 9 So, my beloveds, the course has ended today. I leave you, perhaps, with the body. The heart stays. The spirit is there always. And in that sphere there is no co ming and no going. It's always there, this isness. Beautiful isness, togetherness. I come, always, to share what is His and never what is mine. What is His, never what is mine. And that includes His love through me; His wisdom, through me. That is wh at I come to share. And it makes me happy that the sharing is appreciated. So I thank you, all of you, for your wonderful kindness and your hospitality here. Thank you, very much. Namaste. **** END ****
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