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1. UK 78- 12 Gururaj. Okay. I'm ready. Questioner. Guruji, I think you have said that one cannot love other people truly until one has learnt to love oneself. In what way should one do this and which level of the self or is it the Divinity at all levels of the self, that one must learn to love? Gururaj. Beautiful, beautiful. To be able to love truly, to be able to love completely, and to be able to love in one's totality, one has to find the totality, the completeness in one's self first, because love is an expression of what one is. Now, there are various levels of love ranging from the very grossest physical level to the highest spiritual level. So, one can love in a very limited way to the physical means. One can love in a still higher form where the body and mind is involved and the highest form of all is when all three aspects of man is involved, mind, body and spirit. That would form the totality of lov e and the totality of love can only be expressed if we are total. Now that is a form which is achieved by some, because in achieving the totality of love one has discovered the secret of the universe. One has become one or at onement with the universe and therein lies the completeness of love. Good. When one finds the completeness of love, one could truly say that 'I am love' and the need to love an object disappears. Need does not remain. It is like a flower that gives off its fragrance not because it wants to give off its fragrance but because it becomes its very nature to give off the fragrance. Now, when one reaches that level of love, then one knows no separation. The object of love disappears and the subject of love disappears and only love remains. Now to put this very simply, it means to love for the sake of love. All the loves that we go through, if it is not complete, would contain some seeds of motivation. I love a woman and I want that woman to reciprocate my love. That kind of love which is most common with ninety nine point nine, nine, nine, nine of people is a kind of business; I give you this and you give me that in return, while pure love requires no return. When a Sage says he loves the world, he loves humanity, he loves every creature, he does not expect any return for it whatsoever because he loves for the sake of love. That love within him is so powerful that it just expresses itself. In other words he can't help loving because he is love. Now, in ordinary life, in ordinary life when we have not reached that stage of Sagehood, we can still, within our boundaries, elevate the form of love that we are capable of. Now when it comes to reciprocation, the very idea of what I want in return can be well analysed. I love the woman so much and I ask myself, 'How much does she love me?' Good. Now with that loving of the object, we go through a self-analysis in knowing or in evaluating how much I want in return. Do I want more in return or do I want the same in return or do I want

2. UK 78- 12 less in return? Now, the common fault of ordinary man is this that he always wants more in return? To him even love must be a bargain, at sale price. (Gururaj laughs) Good. So, I love so much and I want back so much. Now, therein lies the mechanics in how to be able to love in totality. The mechanics are those that when we love someone, we do not expect that person to love us more, but we rather accept a lesser love. I love my wife, fine, and I want that love to be reciprocated not necessarily to the extent of my love for her but to the extent of which she is capable. Now, if we find that the woman loves me in return to her fullest capacity, I must appreciate that as reciprocation to her level and any form of reciprocation is always at the level of the object and not at the level of the subject. So, here the greatest of honesty is required. The greatest of sincerity is required. The greatest of acceptance is required. Now, a married couple or a boyfriend, girlfriend that intends to get married always have this argument within themselves, if it is not outwardly expressed. 'I love you so much' and he asks 'How much do you love me?' And that is a question that is always asked. And the question that is always asked is also 'Do you love me?' And with couples that are so close, they always ask 'Do you love me?' The reason why they ask this question 'Do you love me?' is because they want to reaffirm to themselves the love of the object. The reason why they want to reaffirm to themselves or reconfirm to themselves, is because they are insecure in the love that they are giving. So, the mind says 'I love this woman', but even within the mind there are certain doubts and that love is being analysed. I love this woman. Why do I love this woman? Is it because she has a pretty nose or is it because she has lovely hair or whatever you would regard to be lovely? We won't go into details. (Gururaj laughs) So, now remember this and this is a very, very important point that the moment I start analysing my love for someone, love ceases because we have taken love to the mental level, mind level. The mind cannot love. The mind can only appreciate the mechanics of love. What loves is the welling of the heart. The heart feels the closeness, the heart feels the oneness where your heartbeat very spontaneously feels the heartbeat of your beloved. But once the mind enters and analyses even the heartbeat, then the heart stops beating in the flow of love. Love knows no analysis. Someone was telling me the other day, a little youngster, a teenager he was talking of love. He said ‘Guruji, I know everything about love'. I said 'You do. Please tell me'. So he says 'They talk about tickling the brain and something about the heart. It tickles the heart and affects the brain'. And then he went on something about, talking about the spine and I said 'Stop, stop, stop. That is not love. That is not love'. It is a profound experience felt between two people. A nd the profound experience that is found between two people can only be expressed in a profound communication, a profound communication which is beyond the analysis of the mind. And if it is beyond the analysis of the mind, it is beyond all expression. That is love.

3. UK 78- 12 So, love exists on various levels. It would start from needing a return for the love that is given and that is the common experience. But we have to advance, we have to progress where the need of reciprocation becomes less and less and less. When a couple gets married, they might have had a courtship for a few years perhaps, and when they get ma rried, the honeymoon period, they require that entire reciprocation but as the marriage settles down, the need for that reciprocation diminishes. Why does the reciprocation, the need for it diminish, is because a beautiful understanding has been developed. After all love in its finest analysis, in its finest relative worldly value is nothing more than an understanding, where you understand the workings of the mind, the workings of the emotions of your spouse and that is commonly known as love. Now, if two people know each other for a little while, few years and they say that, 'We love each other deeply'. That is not entirely true, because that is coming from the mind. A man and woman can really love each other when they have lived for many years together. It is such a beautiful sight for me when I see an old couple walking down the road, perhaps along the banks of the river Thames, hand in hand, such tenderness, such communication where such an understanding develops, where that separation does not become separation any more and at that age they have realised to some extent what that love is all about. Now to reach that stage, even in this world, to love without needing any reward, is in the realms of Divine love, that you love for the sake of love, that is for sages, for the yogis, for the gurus. Yeah. But in worldly life, when one reaches that understanding of that old couple walking down the road hand in hand and at every few minutes they turn their heads to glance into each other’s eyes. What beautiful poetry, for love is poetry? What beautiful poetry? But now, this has to be worked at. This has to be worked at over a period of years, where slowly they begin to understand each other. They begin to understand the faults and the frailties of each other and in understanding the faults and frailties of each other, they accept the faults and frailties. So when one accepts the faults and frailties of each other, then it means a beautiful friendship has been, a beautiful friendship is born and that friendship, that companionship is also one of the constituents of love. It is also one of the constituents of love. So as we progress in the path of married life, we have a lot of ups an d downs. The ups and downs that are caused, although people are firmly close to each other, to a certain measure they understand each other, inwardly they feel that this is the right person for me, and in spite of feeling these feelings, there are ups and downs. What causes these ups and downs is the sense of ego that I am better than her or she is better than me, that I am better than him. The little ego stands in the way. It blocks the way for the natural flow of love or communication from heart to heart.

4. UK 78- 12 Now when we get immersed in this ego, what happens to us is that we become self centred and we start believing that the whole world revolves around us. We are the centre of the universe and everything must pay attention to us. So, when the wife becomes demanding in getting the attention to feed her ego or the husband becomes demanding to feed his ego and self importance, then friction begins. Now to avoid this friction, one has to learn surrender. One has to learn surrender. When one surrenders oneself completely to one's beloved, then a love is felt and that love is akin to Divinity. So, we have to, although in our outward life, in the worldly life, the ego rears his head but do not let the ego rear its hea d in bed. Okay. The incompatibilities between man and woman in their sexual life is only because the lack of the sense of surrender, is because of the lack of surrender. And it is the lack of surrender that causes incompatibilities. Now these things have far reaching effect for householders because the sexual urge is one of the strongest urges in man and woman. And they have to be given vent. They have to be given vent because the experience gained in that total surrender between husband and wife, can lead you to total surrender to God. So man has been given the equipment right from the physical level to the highest level of the soul, at every stage he has been given the equipment, the necessary tools to progress to higher and higher and higher levels. But, now to have this surrender when you go to bed it requires a lot of preparation. Surrender just does not start in bed. It starts from the morning you wake up. It starts in daily life, every day work-a-day life, everyday at home, where one of the qualities that takes one to self-surrender, is self-sacrifice. We perform little sacrifices for our wives or our husbands. We do that, we do that. And we do not do that as an arduous duty but as a dharmic duty. We give these sacrifices. Fine. If you want to go to London and the wife says let's go to Scotland, let's land up here in the middleway, in the Midlands. Fine. That actually means a compromise and to compromise that requires understanding. Now if there is a mutual attraction at whatever level this understanding can be developed because the most important thing that should be in the woman's heart and in the man's heart is 'I want to please my husband or my wife'. If that thought is dominant, then you are capable of sacrificing. When you are capable of sacrificing, you are capable of surrender and when you are capable of surrender, spontaneously the grace of love dawns upon you. These are the mechanics. These are the mechanics of self help in the sphere of love. Yes. These are the mechanics. So, these things are easy to follow. When man and woman gets married, nobody forces them to get married. There is definitely a certain mutual attraction in making them want to get married. Now that mutual attraction at first coul d be on a superficial level where the minds think alike, similar tastes, the bodies are attracted to each other. Fine. These are superficial levels. But when they get married, then the superficial levels must be elevated to super levels. From

5. UK 78- 12 superficial levels, one has to elevate oneself to superlevels so that the relationship becomes enduring and endearing. So, one has to start from where one is. That is the important thing. Because if we keep on dwelling on the superficial levels, on the physical attractions or the mental attractions or similar tastes, remember this, that you can marry the most prettiest woman in the world, you can marry the most handsomest man in the world but that handsomeness and that prettiness will die away in a few months’ time. Something only seems pretty in the beginning but afterwards it becomes a common thing because of the familiarity that is created, - you don't keep on looking at your wife's nose or her beautiful legs. That's practical. That's how it works. That's how it works, but what you keep on looking and what becomes enduring is the qu ality within. And what are the qualities within, is the sense of self-sacrifice, is the wanting to please, is the self- surrender to one's spouse. And that, those are the enduring qualities which constitute love as we progress on the path of love. And then the day will come one day, perhaps not in this lifetime, in some lifetime where we can function as a totality. Now our meditational practices are designed for that, so that we could function, bring about an integration of mind, body and spirit so that we could function as total beings, where even the sex act could be elevated to such a degree that it becomes a meditation, a complete mergence. Someone came to me and says 'There's no God, I don't see Him, prove Him to me'. So I say 'Well, look, you just don't take things which your senses can observe or see our touch or smell. There are many things in life that the senses are incapable of perceiving and yet there are higher things which the senses cannot perceive but which can be experienced, which can be known from another sense, which everyone has within himself'. So, the same thing applies when it comes to loving each other and this sense is very systematically brought about. It is brought about with these few qualities that we have to cul- ti -vate and it is worthwhile cultivating because when we marry someone, there is this first initial mutual attraction and to enhance this attraction, these are the things which one has to do if love is to becoming enduring. The reasons for the divorces we see, is because they are just romanticists. They see the beautiful face, get attracted where they think alike, have similar tastes, both like playing tennis, or both like playing golf or go fishing or both like the same kind of music, but tastes keep on differing every day. They keep on differing. For one year you might like to play tennis very much and the next year you might like something else very much. These tastes are not from the heart. These tastes are from the mind and the mind being so fickle, it is subject to change and when the mind changes, develops other kinds of tastes, then our spouse becomes incompatible to us. Because every mind is an individual mind and when your tastes change, it does not mean that your wife's taste has also changed with yours. It could change with yours if the self-surrender, self-sacrifice and service is there when tastes change together.

6. UK 78- 12 So the major cause of this sociological problem of divorce is because the marriage had been contracted into, or gone into from a superficial level and instead of bringing it to a super level, they have remained on the superficial level. And anything that is superficial can never be lasting and that is why we have divorces. Let us take the example of a man, say he is a drunkard, he is a drunkard. The wife will start hating him for his drinking. The man could have a serious problem, for alcoholism is a disease. So instead of hating him, if she could develop an understanding with him and help him to understand his problem, even if professional help is required or professional help is to be called in and one can do something about the problem. But no, no because the love had been on the superficial level, the wife is not prepared to help, is not prepared to help him find a solution. The wife is not prepared to help him find a solution. So what happens, the marriage goes on the rocks, although the husband liked his scotch on the rocks. (Gururaj laughs). Those ice rocks are dangerous rocks. It can take anyone to the rocks. Yes. Yes. Good. So, love has its various levels ranging from utter superficiality to a superlevel and as householders, that is part of our dharma to elevate the initial attraction, the initial physical, mental mundane attraction and lead it gently to a spiritual attraction. And then one could say 'Ah, so well have I lived in my home'. The wife could say 'How well he has cared for me with all his love'. She can't define love, but she can really define and view in retrospect his self-sacrifice, his support in times of trouble, his extreme care in times of illnesses, for example the self-sacrifice, the self-surrender. The woman can say that he has been good to me. Those are the words they use. The husband can say the same thing, that how wonderful she has been, she has taken so much care in the home to make me feel comfortable. She has reared the children so beautifully that I can be proud to say 'Ah, this is my son'. The wife has helped him to make the son a son, when he can say 'My son'. Yes. Good. The support the wife has given him in his work. Now the wife has been so busy at home with her housework, she might have had tons of problems with the children and the nappies and washing them, all kinds of things, all kinds of things, yet when he comes home, there's always a beautiful smile on her face. And all the tiredness of wo rk -a-day life at the office or the factory just melts away in her smile and he feels refreshed, rejuvenated, regenerated by the power of love. So, love is not a thing that just comes and it’s thrown in your lap. One has to work at it and especially when it comes to marriage. No marriage needs to fail, if we are prepared to work at it and this has been proven over and over and over again. If my marriage fails, I must admit to myself that it is partly due to my own weakness. Everyone must adm it that fact and if we do something constructive in overcoming those weaknesses, then the marriage will not fail, because even the discrepancies in the wife or the husband will be accepted in love, with love, for love. Why - to preserve love.

7. UK 78- 12 So, these are all the various levels as we live, as we go through these various facets of love to Divine love which is ours. We are born with it and because of our mental and heart limitations, we cannot as yet express that Divine love, but as the mind, the cobwebs and as the pinching heart is more and more opened, the more and more that Divinity of love shines through, until it can shine through completely and then that old man and woman holding hands and walking down the road glancing occasionally at each other’s eyes and a flicker of a smile is seen on the lips, so beautiful, the beautiful feeling of oneness that through this life we have gone together. And I can see a picture, beautiful sunset, they are towards the end of their life now, at that age and what a beautiful picture that would make, seeing them walking through and melting away into that sunset, into that Divinity, into Light. That is Love. That is the path of Love. Thank you. Oka y. We like to mix a bit of poetry with philosophy. Its not apart, for life is a poem itself. There go the cooks. Good. Another question. Questioner. Is Mary Deeghy, is she here? Come and read your question. Mary. Gururaj, in Christianity and some other religions, the relics of saints are venerated and also certain objects are blessed by the leaders of the religions. Do these relics or blessed objects have any power or holiness that doesn't exist in the rest of creation since God is omnipresent or do they only serve to make a sense of holiness well up in the people who revere or venerate them? Gururaj. True, true, true. That is very true. Your question which is so, so beautiful has been answered by yourself, very beautifully. Yes. There's one place in India where they believe that in this Mosque - the Moslem people, the Mohammedans - someone came up with the idea that in this temple - they have one hair of the Prophet Mohammed. And every year thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands upon thousands of people go to this place to view the hair. One hair. Good. What benefit does it impart to the person? I know who gets the benefits, the organisers. Oh yes. All those stalls are put up there, the living accommodations are there and the people that organise this hair, I do not kno w if it is really Mohammed's hair or someone else's hair, I wouldn’t know. But it is said by them that this is Mohammed’s hair and come and look at it because it will impart so much to you. So it becomes a commercial business. It becomes a business where millions of Rupees are gathered by the organisers. That is one side of the story. The other side of the story is this, that those people that travel thousands of miles have faith in themselves, thinking that by seeing the hair of the prophet Mohammed, we would be blessed and we would gain. And on the way going there, most of them have the

8. UK 78- 12 thought that by seeing the hair, all the things which I need will come to me. I need a beautiful house, let me try this. Go and see that hair and I might get a beautiful house. I need a nice car, let me go there, that might just do the trick. Like that, like that. So, even those professing faith, are also trying to do business. You see the vicious circle. It's just business, business, business, economics. Most of things, most religious organisations perhaps are just centred upon economics. Not that economics are unnecessary. Things are necessary to a certain limit, but when it comes to vested interests, then everything turns sour. But then there could be some people that are genuine seekers, that genuinely feel, and that genuinely has the faith that having the Dharshan of that hair could benefit us. Now, it is not the hair that's imparting any force, but it is the faith of the person involved that imparts the force. Whenever Jesus healed someone, he always said 'Your faith has healed you'. So, many religions that are based on Bhakti Yoga, on the yoga of devotion try and engender this faith. So by engendering this faith, a definite benefit is given to mankind or to those that are that way inclined. So, we said yesterday that whoever, whatever they believe, we never break down anyone's faith. Let them believe that and through that faith, they could achieve something. There was a holy man that visited a village. Good. Now, people used to cross the river to go and visit this holy man. Now there was one illiterate peasant who also had the desire to go and visit this guru. Now the Eastern custom is this, that you don't visit a guru emp ty -handed. If you have nothing, even a flower petal is taken as an offering as a devotion, devotional offering, that is the Eastern tradition. So this chap being a peasant farmer, illiterate one, he had, he took things from his garden. He took some onions and potatoes to the guru and he offered it to the guru. So the guru looks at the onions and potatoes and he says 'Piaja, Allu', which means Piaja, onions, Allu, potatoes. This peasant felt that 'Ah, the guru has given me a secret, a secret formula'. He had so much in the secret formula, the guru had just said 'Piaga, Allu. Ah, potatoes, onions'. That's all he said. But this peasant had so much faith in those words that, those words became this peasant's sole entity. 'It was the formula from this holy man that will help me in doing what ever I want to do'. So, now he had to cross this river every day to visit this guru and he would do it every day without fail, because now he has found a holy man. But now to cross this river he could not always afford the price of the ferry, so he used a sheet. He put the sheet on the water and just said 'Piaga Allu' and he would go across as if in a raft. (General laughter) Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. So, you see the power of faith, the power of faith? Many people, many organisers of churches, temples, cults, organisations have taken advantage of people's faith and trust which is very wrong. Very, very wrong. The faith must develop in a person by himself, for himself all the time.

9. UK 78- 12 Faith is not a quality that is imparted. Everything that is spoken on faith is just about faith, not what faith is. That faith has to be developed within oneself, by oneself, for oneself. So, therefore the saying goes in the Scriptures that 'Faith can move mountains', which is very true. It's how much faith you have. Now, faith requires one great quality, to achieve that faith, is one-pointedness, one-pointedness towards one's chosen ideal or one-pointedness in one's belief. When the quality of onepointedness is developed, then faith is too automatically and spontaneously developed. Good. There is a lovely saying in the Indian language on diseases. It says, it literally means that you can have all the finest medicines and medical treatments in the world and that might fail to cure you and sometimes a pinch of dust can cure you. What cures? Not the pinch of dust, but your faith. Same thing, same thing happens at various religious places where people go on pilgrimages and it is very true that a small percentage of them come back healed from these places. Now what happens there is that because of thousands of people visiting this, this place that is holy and everyone having the same thought in mind, increases the vibrational value of the place. And when you enter that vibration, you too feel a certain upliftment and in that upliftment, your faith becomes strengthened. And if your faith is strengthened enough, you come back healed. So it is not the place or the waters, or the temples that has healed you, it has contributed in enhancing your faith so that you have healed yourself. That is the power of faith. So, all these relics, all of the various saints are there to produce in you a sense of sanctity, a sense of faith, that such a great personage had lived and his ashes or whatever, contains a certain force. Now from that saint who had lived, the life-force has been taken away and the body that is left behind is none better than a piece of wood. But because we have studied the life of the saint, we have studied the life of his good works and his teachings, the very relic reproduces i n us his teachings, the memory of his teachings. Our minds are guided in a more positive way of thinking and that too enhances your faith. To repeat again, Jesus said when he healed, that it is your faith that has healed you. You see the humility of great Masters. They have provided the impetus. They have provided the impetus and the healing takes place. Good. There are so many karmic factors involved. Now, what the Sage, Voice. ........ (Inaudible) Gururaj. Is it? I'll finish off in five minutes. What happens is this, its like a schoolteacher - now the child has studied very well during the year, the year mark has been very good, the child applied himself or herself very well to the studies. Now it comes to examination time and the child needs forty percent to pass. Right. But the child might not be feeling well or

10. UK 78- 12 Mummy and Daddy might have had a quarrel in the morning and the child was upset and couldn't concentrate on the examination and in the aggregate, instead of producing the forty percent pass mark only produces thirty five percent, so the child has failed in the exam. Now the good teacher will not go on that thirty five percent only but will review the child's work of the year and the teacher knows of the ability of the child and that there were just certain factors during examination time where the child was prevented from doing its best. So what the good teacher does, is adds on five percent and makes the child pass. Now that is what the holy man and the sage does. That's what a good guru does. That the person is striving hard, he is doing his practices or his duties or has changed his lifestyle and this person really needs a bit of a push, so a spiritual push is given, a bit of extra shakti is given. A little energising injection is given. Th at's all. That's all. No one can evolve anyone. One has to evolve oneself. A child goes to school, the teacher teaches, guides, but the child has to learn by himself. That's all that happens. Same thing in faith, where all these various places of pilgrimages, all these various relics of saints, including the hair of Mohammed is there to enhance, encourage the faith which is latent in you. That is, those are the mechanics of faith. Okay. Good. So it's lunchtime, is it. Why must END


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