2. U S 82 - 3 as we discussed, I think, in one of these talks that thought only functions and finds validity in reflection , in remembering it, and with its projection into the future. So where the ego's concerned, it will always be in conflict within itself. And whe n the ego is in conflict within itself, it is quite natural for it to be in conflict with the environment. Now if the ego is constituted by thought, what is thought? What reality is there in thought? We have gone into the matter that all thought will always be of the past, and what you think now of the past is that you are thinking that you think. You are only r emembering. Good. So remembering has no actual existence in the present moment, but now when the thought really occurred, what was the reality in that thought when it really occurred? Did it have any substance? Is that thought not perhaps also created by a memory of a previous thought? And that previous thought is also a memory of a thought before that, ad infinitum. So therefore although these thoughts that constitute the ego seems so real to us in relative existence, but from a different angle it is not real. Now the human animal, he has the habit of never emptying his mind. He always wants to have it occupied. And most of you will know how one thought keeps on repeating itself over and over and over again. It is a kind of auto suggestion that could happen b y the repetition of a particular thought. And thoughts are pleasant and unpleasant. Why are thoughts pleasant? How can thoughts give you pleasure? There's only one way in which thoughts can give you pleasure. It is when thoughts get translated through your sensory capacities, through your senses: hearing, feeling, touching, smelling. You touch your beloved one, and by touching her or kissing her, you get aroused sexually. Why? Is it that touch that arouses you sexually? No, because you can touch so meone else and not be affected at all in that way. But what arouses you is the pleasant memory of a past experience with your beloved. So your senses are aroused by a memory and not by thought. And likewise in every other thing that all the pleasant exp eriences are aroused in you not by thought because that is the past. Every thought remains the past. Immediately it is the past. So it is the memory that arouses these various sensations experienced by our senses. Now we talk of creative thinking. Cr eative thinking does not come from the level of the ego. Creative thinking comes from a far deeper level reaching far back into the superconscious level that we have always spoken about. For there in its clarity, creativeness begins. When a poet writes a poem, where does he get that inspiration from? Not from the ego self, not for the thought formations in his mind, but by tuning himself to a higher vibration, he picks up that which is forever floating around in the universe all the time. So when you w rite a poem or compose a piece of music, and if your mind is attuned to a higher vibratory level, you will contact that higher vibratory level or the universal mind. And then according to the clarity of your thought patterns and memories, you will transla te them onto paper as a poem or as musical notes or as a painting. So your mind, the little self has not written that poem. I'm talking of great poetry. I'm not talking of the doggerel and the limericks. I love you in June and in the moon and I swoon. Not that rubbish. Real poetry which is filled

3. U S 82 - 3 with such power and force which comes from deep within the soul and just explodes out. You might require an outside aide. You might require to be deeply in love to be able to compose anything. And that outs ide aide could only but act as an inspiration because your love is so strong that when love becomes very, very intense for a person or agony, any emotion when it becomes very intense you touch certain cords within yourself. So the outward giving of love is also at the same time a deeper going inside. And as I've said, it is a continuum. So the ego self plays a very small part in the evolution of man and, yet at the same time, a very big part. For without the ego self you cannot exist. Even the most en lightened man must have a little ego or otherwise he would forget his total individuality. He won't be able to eat, sleep, or perform any biological function. But that ego self has been so clarified and the analogy that I love to use is like rubber tha t if it is stretched, it loses its opaqueness and becomes transparent so that the light of the superconscious mind could shine through. So you can never annihilate the ego. People say annihilate the ego, destroy the ego. That is a fallacy. It cannot be done, for nothing in this universe is ever destructible. And yet though thought has no great validity of reality, it still contains a certain kind of reality at a much lower level than the real sel f within you. Now how can one's ego function in conformit y with another person's ego? Remember we are all unique beings. No two people are alike. Everyone has their own ideologies. Everyone have their own idiosyncracies. And everyone is an entity unto himself. No two people are alike as no two finger prints are alike. Now how does one reconcile one ego with the other? Reconciliation means that there has always been conciliation and you're re conciling it. But the re conciliation, that conciliation that was always there "re" means to do it again; you win d something and then you re wind it, right so the conciliation has always been there and now you are re conciling it. Now where lies the factor of conciliation? That lies in the deeper layers of the mind. For there conciliation is there. There is no se paration there. It is one mind. But when we say we want to re concile, we mean that we want to reach that stage where conciliation had always been. We're re doing it. So now to re do that, to reach back from where we started, we have to clarify the ego . Now there are many ways to do that. Spiritual practices does that most importantly and most easily. Then you have something called devotion And devotion is a blood brother of love, for you could not have devotion without love and you could not have lov e without devotion. But now, how does one love? How does one love? People say learn to love. I said this morning that you can't learn to love. You love or you don't love. Love is a capacity. You can love a little, and you c an love a lot. You can love to the extent of the entire universe. Now you can't create love because love is always there. And all the spiritual practices, all the mental analysis that we go through to satisfy the thought processes, are only preparatio ns to unfold which is already there. And people, theologies, tell you, "Discipline yourself. Have humility. Be humble. Be kind. Be compassionate." And that is all rubbish. You cannot force yourself to be kind. You cannot force yourself to be

4. U S 82 - 3 compassionate. You cannot force your self to be loving. You can show that as an outward form of surface, valueless politeness. That's the best you can do. You have to be it. You cannot just be compassionate. You cannot learn to be kind. You have to just be it. It is a natural quality i n you. All these qualities are there, and all the opposites of these qualities are there too. So how do we jump from one pole to the other pole? That is the question. You'll find many do gooders in this world. They'll join this organization and that orga nization, the cripple care, the organization for deaf and dumb, old age, this that. But what's the motivation behind it? Is it really a sense of service that has come about spontaneously? Or is it just to satisfy their own ego, satisfy their own thought patterns that I must do this and I must do that? It has no spiritual value. Although such people are necessary to make this world go round, at least to bring some little order in the chaos. But if one forces oneself to do these things, then it has no s piritual value. Now they also say that if you keep on doing something, it could become automatic. Like you keep on practicing piano, then afterwards you can hold a philosophical conversation and yet play one of the concertos. Becomes an automatic proce ss. Now if the process becomes automatic, then what have you become? Nothing else but a robot, the computer that has been programed. Because of the constant repetition of a certain thing, you have become programed like a computer, and you press a button and the computer works. Has that anything to do with your real self? No. Nothing at all. Nothing at all whatsoever. So to find reconciliation with another is not an ego quality. You can bluff yourself, yes, you can. You can live under a kind of hyp nosis that "I'm alright, Jack, and so are you." But is that the truth? Is that what you really are? No, it is dishonesty caused by hypnosis, and you feel you are honest and sincere. But you are not. So reconciliation or the conciliation that is to be p reserved must be a spontaneous act inspired from within oneself. You just cannot help it. Then it becomes real. You just cannot help loving. If I ask a girl, a beloved, "Why do you love me?" and if she should answer that by saying because you are this or you are that or you've got this quality and that quality, that quality, then I will say immediately, "You do not love me. You do not know what love is. You are not loving me, you're loving my qualities." Or if you ask the man, "Why do you love her?" And he answers because she's so pretty, she's so charming, she has such nice ways, beautiful hair and eyes, toes. It is not love. It could be an appreciation of he r beauty. Fine. But it is surface. Superfluous. But when the man or the girl answers, " I don't know why I love you," then that is love, love without qualifications, love that knows no qualifications. Now if this rapport is established between two or more people on the basis of no qualification, then reconciliation is not required. Everythi ng reconciles itself by itself. And yet that ego always says you go because I want to preserve my ego. So you go. Not come, but go. See the irony of it. You go because I want to preserve my ego.

5. U S 82 - 3 Now 99.9 percent of the world's people fear losing thei r ego. They fear losing their individuality, and really speaking that individuality will never be lost until you reach the Absolute, the nothingness we spoke about. But individuality will always be there. That individuality is the one that reincarnates a nd that goes through the throes of karma, good or bad. For good karma is also binding, and bad karma is also binding. And the only way out is to rise above. So when one rises above the ego it means that you have made the ego transparent. And when it is transparent, the light that shines through, that rules and not the ego rule. The ego cannot rule anymore in that intense light of the superconscious. You see? And that is how one develops humbleness, humility, real love, real compassion, kindness becaus e you are doing nothing. The ego always wants to do, but the higher self or the superconscious does nothing. It just is. The bulb in this light here is doin g nothing. It is the electricity that is doing it, empowering it to give light. The bulb in its elf is useless without the electricity. So we, our ego, is useless without the light that comes from the superconscious level. And when that lightens up, the ego all the negative qualities disappear, that sense of "I" disappears, for that "I" is only an idea. It is an idea that has gone, that has started ages ago, ages ago, ages ago from the very first sub atomic particle. Progressing through the various facets of evolution, duplicating and replicating itself and mixing itself with all various elements . Starts to fear itself that it does not lose itself. It has found a crutch. Your ego is nothing but a crutch to support itself, and that crutch is created by itself. And when the ego creates its own crutch, it tries to find that crutch not within itsel f but outside itself. And when those crutches are not found outside and by crutches I mean dependence on name, fame, wealth, friendship, possessions that is why people hanker for all these things because the ego that has created this crutch within itsel f must find its expression outside. So that finding that energy outside ... everything is an energy. Money is an energy, possessions is an energy that should really never remain stagnant. It should forever be circulating because its very nature is ener gy, and energy is never stagnant. But we stagnate it because of the sense of I, me, and mine. Those are the outer expressions of the ego; me and mine. Yet, you do not even own yourself. How can you own anything else in the world? You do not even belong to yourself. You belong to that one, infinite, divine energy without which you are nothing. Nothing at all. Yet, the mind keeps on saying this I, I, I, I. I did this, and I did that, and I did so many charities, and I benefited this , and I helped tha t one. Auntie Mary is ill. So Jill or Jean gets a phone call, "Auntie Mary is ill." So Jean goes rushing over and looks after Auntie Mary. Fine. Good deed. Good deed. But when Jean comes home, she develops a pride within herself, saying, "Oh, I help ed Auntie Mary. I looked after her when she was ill." And then after a while if there is a little quarrel, it's going to be pointed out. [Laughter.] Yes. Yes. "Oh, you're telling me this now, but do you remember when you were sick? You know I came t o help you." Oh, Lord, why did you send me to this world? There are other better

6. U S 82 - 3 planets. You see? So, it was not a service. It was not inspired by love. Perhaps by some form of duty in the beginning that she had to help. She is an Auntie. Right. Do you see? It is this I, this bolstering up of this damned, stupid ego which in reality is non existent. Yet in the very word, non exi stent, the word, existent, is there, and "non" is only negating existence. You see the paradox? It is, and it is not. It is, and it is not. Now which angle do you want to look at it from? That is the question. Many people say, "I have no ego at all. I never think of myself. I never think of myself." Look at the contradiction. "I" comes first. "I never think of my self." Now by saying that you are thinking of yourself. Give that a thought. Let me see if we can find something here. You know these beloved friends of mine, Charles and Linda, they are really terrible. Coming to America, arrived at the airport and the y start checking the baggage. Yes, this suitcase and that suitcase and that parcel and that parcel. Fine. So Charles says to Linda, "You know what? I should have brought the kitchen table." So Linda says, "The kitchen table! What do you want to do wi th the kitchen table?" He says, "I should have brought the kitchen table because I left my tickets on it." [Laughter.] They are such dear old friends of mine. Whenever I go to England, first place I go to is their place. You know, an old man with a litt le black case knocked on this lady's door and said, "Madam, I'm a piano tuner." So this lady says, "I've got a piano, but I never phoned for a piano tuner." So this little man says, "I know, Madam. You did not phone for a piano tuner, but your neighbors did." [Laughter.] Yes. So, let's get back to the ego. [Laughter.] Yes. Now we said that the ego is made up with thought patterning. Fine. Now people that advocate getting rid of the ego, annihilating the ego, have to at first annihilate all thought. And that is not a possibility. You could never empty your mind of thought. The mind could never be devoid of thought, and when it becomes devoid of thought, you become mindless. So we accept the thought patterns. We accept the ego. We accept the ind ividuality that the ego produces. But we observe it. And by observing the doings and the meanderings of the ego, we learn to live with it. And when we learn to live with it, it becomes more and more refined. It becomes more and more refined, and that is what we aim at in our spiritual practices. And what do we mean by the ego being refined? We do not mean that it is devoid of thought. We do not mean that it will only have good thoughts and not bad thoughts. It will have both because the ego has to liv e in the law of opposites. But we can stand apart from the ego by becoming the observer of the doings of the ego. And yet the ego is nothing but like a cinema screen. All the pictures happening on the screen. All the plays going on. And if there is a sad place, you will find many people taking out their hankies. Tears. And if there is some other incident, they will start laughing. They get involved with the story. An d

8. U S 82 - 3 by all the thousands of years worth of knowledge or so called knowledge that has been poured into our heads, poured into systems, through ages past. Conditioning upon conditioning upon conditioning . Everywhere you see, wherever you look around, you will just find conditions and conditioning. Now if we can move apart, just one millimeter away from that conditioning, then life becomes a joy. And how do we uncondition ourselves? Spiritual practices. Do you see? And a wider perspective which spiritual practices brings about, that width and breadth of greater awareness. And then you ask, "Who am I?" And you will find the answer. If you ask now, "Who am I?," you cannot find the answer, for that con ditioned ego self will give you so many answers to condition you more. I am John Jones. Who is John Jones? Who is John Jones? He's only a name. Only a name. And because he has two eyes and two legs and two hands and two arms, he's given a form, a hum an form. So he is nothing else, John Jones is nothing else but name and form. That is all. And to preserve this name and form he goes through all kinds of things, through hates and fears and loves and wars. Just to preserve that name and form which is but a very small, relative reality in this vast universal reality that had no beginning and no end. Never was a time when you were not there. And never will there be a time when you will not be there either. You have always been. You are always are. An d as the Gita says, "Fire cannot burn it. Swords cannot slay it. Water cannot wet it." Above and beyond and still here all the time. And that is what is meant by omnipresence. So if we let this little ego self to interfere ... Do not suppress the ego. Do not try to get rid of it because you are trying to do something which is not possible. It will always be there. It will always be there until you have this physical name and form. So here the non existent holds hands with that which is non existent too. Name and form is non existent. Those are labels. And the ego is non existent too because it cannot be empowered by itself without divine energy. So we can make the non reality into a reality but for what purpose? Is it for self preservation? Yes . Preserve yourself. Why not? But the motivation, self preservation for preservation of the ego? No. No. But self preservation to experience the glory of Divinity, then it's worthwhile preserving yourself. Otherwise we are just limping through life. And that ego becomes like a thorn in your shoe. And you just limp away instead of taking off the shoe and taking the thorn out. You don't need to limp. Do you see? And yet the thorn is there. The pain is there. You cannot deny it because who is there to deny it? When you have not recognized the real self in you, then who is to deny it is but the ego self that denies now the ego self. Or accepts it. You see? Denial and acceptance. The law of opposites. All the time. So to find reality one has to go beyond them. Meanwhile, to preserve certain social norms, one can try to be kind, try to be compassionate, try to be charitable. And it helps. It helps by lightening some load from the ego. And that's all it does. Nothing else. For it is far away from your true self, from your real self. Do you see?

9. U S 82 - 3 So all acts of charity are necessary as balm is necessary when you have a headache. When you have a headache, you use a balm to rub your head. Or you use aspirins to get rid of the headache. But the headache is only a symptom of a far deeper problem. Do you see? So by doing charitable works, you are finding some respite, some relief. You're getting rid of symptoms but not the cause of the illness, the headache. That can only be get, got rid of wh en you touch your inner self, your real self, your superconscious self. Then only would all the symptoms and the cause and the effect disappear by itself. Like we say darkness disappears when the light is switched on. That's all it requires. Illuminati on, self realization, God realization is instantaneous. As soon as you can move one millimeter away from that ego self, then you will know yourself. The rest, as we always say, is preparation, preparation. Preparation for that one divine moment. Then y ou know the entire joy. And then you realize that this is only a moment. This entire universe is only a moment. This here ness and now ness is only a but moment. And in this moment the entire eternity is captured. You capture eternity in a moment. It i s true what Blake said, and that's what he said. Do you see? So reconciliation could mean making up. To reconcile one's ego with another person's ego is to make up with a person. And you know what make up is all about. It is a mask. I don't know if any of these ladies wear make up. [Laughing.] It's a mask hiding the true texture of your skin. Huh? But it beautifies the world. Pleasant to look at. Nothing wrong. Manufacturers are getting rich. They need the money. [Laughter.] Yes. And that' s the biggest trade industry in this country, isn't it? Yes, cosmetic manufacturers. Yes. Nothing wrong. I hope I could meet them, yes, and ask them to use money, that money gained exploiting vanity, to use it for good purposes. Like building me an as hram, for example. [Laughter.] So the ego too is vain. It thrives on vanity. And all vanity is insanity. I want to look beautiful. Why? Whe re does my beauty reside? On my face? On my clothes? Or within me? What do I show you? What should I show y ou is that which is within me. That is the real thing one shows without the make up. And by make up I don't only mean cosmetics. Because I was having fun with you. Make up has many other factors too, and not only Max Factor. [Laughter.] Yes. To make up with a person is what we know as reconciliation. Now that is good but very dependent on motivation. You want to make up with someone else because you had a break up. Make up because of the break up. Why the break up in the first place so that you hav e to go all the trouble for the make up? But if it has happened, that reconciliation or make up should be done with total sincerity, total humility, with a total sense of forgiveness, and you say, "I want to make up with that person because he was not wro ng. I was wrong." And once when one has that attitude, then there is sincerity and humility. It takes two hands to clap. So I must have been wrong in the break up. There must have been something wrong in me too. I cannot put the full blame on the othe r person. Perhaps I should blame myself more for not being

1. U S 82 - 3 RECONCILING EGO WITH EGO CHELA: This is a satsang with Gururaj Ananda Yogi, U.S.A., 1982, number 3, recorded at U.C.L.A. CHELA: Beloved Guruji, on an English course last year you mentioned that one should be true to oneself in one's wo rds and actions so long as nobody else is hurt by this. The real self is beyond hurt. It is only possible for the ego to be wounded. Many people's egos are very fragile, and it would be almost impossible to go through life without hurting anyone at all a t the egoic level. How can one reconcile this conflict? GURURAJ: [Long silence on tape after which recording resumes.] ... never hurt anyone's ego. The person who feels hurt is hurt by his own personal ego and not you. Say if I have a visitor and I'm r ushed for some work that has to be pushed out and if I cannot pay attention although all the deep love is there and I cannot pay attention to that person for that moment because of circumstances and if that person would feel hurt, I am not the one that h urts. He is the one that hurts himself. So what do we mean by reconciliation? How could your ego ever be reconciled with the ego of another? And if there is some form of reconciliation, it would be very much on the surface level. And it could degenerate into just what we call politeness, and politeness devoid of all truth. Ramakrishna said once that sometimes you even avoid telling someone the truth if you feel it will harm that person. And by doing that you are not committing anything wrong. If I see a friend walking down the road with another girl, I will not go and tell his wife about it because I'll be creating so many hurts. She will b e hurt. A quarrel will ensue. He will be hurt. Their love would be jeopardized, and my love for them would be jeopardized too. So sometimes one can avoid telling the truth only if it will harm someone. And you are doing nothing wrong by that. So this does not mean that you are untruthful to yourself. You are becoming super truthful because here you are taking into consideration the hurts of others. So by taking consideration for the hurts of others you are not bound karmically. Now when it comes to the ego self, only on that level does karma function, only on that level does reincarnation function. For when it comes to the spiritual self of man, the spirit never reincarnates. And the spirit knows of no karma because it is beyond it, the spirit which is unborn and that which is unborn will never die. So where is the purpose of reincarnation? There is no rei ncarnation for the spirit which is eternally pure. But the ego self which is so important in a person's daily life, that is the part which requires cleansing. What is the reality of the ego? Does the ego really exist? Now before we go into that, let us f ind out what constitutes ego. What does, what makes up ego? What are the ingredients that make up ego? Ego is nothing else but thought patterns

7. U S 82 - 3 yet you well know that it is not real, the screen is white. The film and the h appenings in the film is only superimposed upon the white screen. And yet we get involved in the story. And in a sad incident we cry, in a happy incident we feel happy, and in a humorous incident we laugh. Why? Because we are involved in something fict itious. Same way is our life. We are too involved, emotionally involved, in what is happening in life. I remember going to the cinema with someone, and this person started sobbing. So I said, "Hey! Stop it! That's a picture, it's a story. There's no r eality there. That poor woman is not being strangled or what have you. (You know, they have so much violence and sex on the screen nowadays.) Nothing is happening there! Why do you get so involved. Come on. Stop it!" You see? Now that is what we do every day with the projection on the screen of life, getting involved in the ego instead of sitting back and observing what is happening on the screen. So when you become the observer, you become non affected. You do not feel the pain and neither the ple asure. And when you don't feel the pain and nor the pleasure, then you feel joy because joy cannot exist as long there is pleasure and as long there is pain. As long as there is these two things, real joy can not exist. For your real nature is joy, and you are being influenced by what is happening on the screen of your mind, and getting so involved and so tied up in it that you bring about misery upon yourself. A boy loves a girl, and she leaves him. Who is hurt? What is hurt? The ego is hurt because the boy was so involved in his ego self. The girl leaving did not hurt him. He hurt himself because he was so involved in his own self. The ego needs sustenance. [END OF SIDE ONE] GURURAJ: The ego needs sustenance, and the ego is forever fed by expectations, by projections, by ideologies, and by conditioning. All these factors condition the ego. "Why did she leave me? What is wrong with me?" he asks himself. He asks himself that question because he's trying to say there's nothing wrong with me. But if he truly asked that question in some sincerity, he will find that it is me and my ego that has hurt itself. And I'm only using that girl who has left me as a fall guy, a scapegoat , because my ego is lost. My ideal is lost. That which I idealized in my mind has been broken down and that is why I am hurt. When that realization comes, then nothing can hurt you in this world. Nothing can hurt you. So identification of oneself must not be ego centered. You are not the ego. You are the film playing on the screen. When I say "you" I mean the little you which is the ego itself, for take that away and nothing is left but Divinity. Yes. Man. God plus mind makes man. God plus mind m akes man. Man minus mind makes God. Do you see? So it is the damned mind which I call the cunning animal I've said this over and over again that is the trouble maker, and for who does it make trouble? It makes trouble for itself. Yes. So we try if we can to get away from conditioning, become unconditioned

10. U S 82 - 3 strong enough. I have not been meditating regularly, yes, or doing my spiritual practices regularly. So I couldn't preserve that calmness of mind, and I let the spark, little spark, flare up int o a big fire. So when one assumes that attitude, that it is my little ego self because of hurt or hatred or whatever reason caused this break up, and now I've got to reconcile. It's a good idea. By all means. Promote love and friendship always. Even s urface love and friendship has some value because there would not be hatred. Rather have surface love than no love at all. Do you see? And that is how a greater equilibrium can be preserved in the environment. Before we carry on, let's see what we hav e got here. Yes, thinking of these glasses. An optician hired a new assistant, and he was teaching the new assistant how to base his charges, how to charge the customer. He says, "You must start off this way. You examine the customer, and you tell the customer that the frame will cost fifty dollars, that the glasses will cost fifty dollars, and when he just accepts it without, you know, any flutter of his eyes, then you say that the lens will c ost twenty five dollars. And if he still doesn't show any re action, then you say 'each.'" [Laughter.] You know, this teacher writes to the mother of a young boy, and he says, she says, "Your son is a brilliant student, but he's got his mind too much on the girls." It was a co ed school. "Your son is a brilliant bo y, but he's got his mind too much on the girls. And would you give me permission to help him and correct him?" So the mother writes back, "Yes. Please tell me how you do it because I've been trying it on his father for so many years." [Laughter.] That 's nice. Yes, that's what it is. Good. So reconciliation should not be necessary at all there should always be conciliation. But in the case of having to reconcile oneself with a situation or a person, one does it in humility and forgiveness; even if t he humility and forgiveness does not come from deep within. For it should be a spontaneous act. The surface will do for the time being. Good. And the ego can never be got rid of, but it can be refined so that the inner light can shine through the instr ument of the ego. So here we do not live or think we live by ego alone, but we use the ego as an instrument. And that is ego. OK? So now I go. ***END***