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United States 78-5

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1. U S 78 - 5 GURURAJ: I got a wonderful gift today from one of our youngest meditators. He's four years old, and his name is Gabriel. H e's drawn such lovely pictures. I love child art. It gives one such an insight into a child's mind and the potential of the child. This is a very beautiful child. [Inaudible] Good. We can start with the questions. GAURI: We are living in a very diffic ult time for both of the sexes everybody thinking that they can tell us what we should feel and what we should think and what we should want. My question is, what part of me is the essential nature I chose to take on when I chose to express myself as a woman? And also, for a man. And what part of what I respond is due to my acculturation? GURURAJ: During your? GAURI: The culture that I have grown up in. GURURAJ: Oh, the cultures. Yes, conditioning. Of course, the basis of the question is this, that why is a man a man and woman a woman? And, if they are born in certain cultures, why are they born in those cultures. GAURI: [Inaudible] That's not my q uestion. My question is what part of me is the essential nature that I chose when I chose to be born a woman, and I must have chosen that for a particular reason. GURURAJ: So, that is why you are a woman, isn't it? Why is a woman a woman, and why is a man a man? GAURI: Oh, okay. AMRIT: What did she mean by the first part of the question, that you said other people telling you what you think and feel? GAURI: Because I don't know what part of my reaction is me and what part of my reaction is what I think "me" is. [Laughter]

2. U S 78 - 5 GURURAJ: Oh, lovely, lovely. AMRIT: That is really a good question, because what you are saying is that people in the culture condition you to believe you should think and believe and respond in certain ways as a woman. And what you're asking is what's really essential. Is that it? GURURAJ: I think we spoke about it in all this past lectures, that we are creatures of circumstances, mostly; environment secondly; and what is really us, the essential part that is us. Now, b y essential part, we do not believe that deep down reality which is us, but that which has made us into what we are. So, in the conditioning of man or woman, there are three factors to be considered: one's karmic values that has made us what we are today, and that is the most important factor. The second factor would be what the environment does to us. Now, by environment we could include all the cultures of the world. If you live in India, you are in a different kind of culture, perhaps. If you live i n America, it's a different culture, and that formulates your behavior pattern. Good. And, of course, those two are the most important factors in making you what you are. Now, the question should be, am I happy with what I am? If I am not happy with wha t I am, what should I do about it? That is bringing down a metaphysical question into its practical, day to day values. What people think of me, how important is that? We spoke about it this morning. That we become creatures of environment, and we are sucked into this whirlpool of what we call culture. What is culture, really? If a person sits at the table and does not know how to handle a knife and fork, we call him uncultured. He's not cultured. He might be coming from Tibet, where there are no k nives and forks. Culture is from the heart. Culture is an expression of the true essential self of a person. Culture contain s all the fine qualities of man, the refined man is a cultured man. He might have a crude exterior, but that refinement is fro m de ep within himself where every action of his is a glorification of creation itself. Every action of his is kind, compassionat e, all encompassing. That is refinement, that is a cultured man. When we talk of cultures, we misuse the word so much. In certa in parts of the world, certain kinds of clothing is worn; other parts of the world, other kinds of clothing is worn. Certain parts of the world, certain kinds of foods are eaten; othe r parts, other kinds of foods. That has nothing to do with culture. Tha t is just environmental factors that we are mixed up in or brought up in which man can change at will. It is not necessary for man to wear a pair of trousers, for example. He wears it in order to be a conformist. He wants to conform to the society or wi thin the framework of the society he lives in, therefore, he wears a pair of pants. A woman wears a dress, sometimes [laughter], because that is the part of the culture or the environment that has forced her to wear that kind of clothing. What has this to do with culture? It is nothing but

3. U S 78 - 5 conformity, and conformity is never culture. A man can be totally unconventional and yet be a highly refined, cultured person. His every action shows that refinement. His every word, his every smile, his every gestur e shows that deep, beautiful refinement. That is culture. We call ourselves civilized. Ask ourselves the question, are we really civilized? A re we really civilized? Good. Let us go back a hundred, two hundred years, where a midwife would deliver a baby. Those times in the backwoods there was a lot of superstition in every country. Now, the midwife, in delivering the baby, would tell the mother and father that there is a complication, and this baby will only be delivered safely if we call upon the local doctor. Which doctor? The witch doctor. Good. So they call the witch doctor, and he performs his mumbo jumbo, and the baby is born normally. Fine. That was primitive people, uncultured people. Meanwhile, the fees were shared. There was a kickback. Primitive people, aren't they, really? What is happening today? Exactly the same thing. The doctor can treat you, he knows the symptoms, he has diagnosed you properly. But he refers you to the specialist. Why? For the kickback. Are we civilized? Are we any better than those people that we call primitive people? If we study primitive society, there was a greater oneness, where everyone stood together. Although there might have been tribal customs, but if one tribe invaded another tribe, they would a ll stand together in spite of their differences. What happens today to a civilized people? We live in a block of flats and nine times out of ten we do not know who is living next door. Isn't that so? Are we civilized? Yes. Now this happens all the t ime. What I'm trying to tell you is culture does not depend upon environment or the way we live, the way we live which is conditioned by the environment. Culture is from the heart. A cultured man is a man whose heart is opened, who has expanded awarenes s of the surroundings, who has that awareness of the environment in such a way where he, being refined, can only see refinement. And that which is not refined, he can overlook. He learns to see good and not the bad. That is the cultured man. You see, s o how backward we are! Even more backward than the primitive man, perhaps. Technological progress does not mean that we are more evolved. Go back to the time of Christ, or even further back, to the time of Buddha or Krishna. People still had the hatreds and the wars and the petty jealousies, and all those negative qualities are still existent today, in today's society; and yet we call ourselves evolved. Technological progress is no sign of evolution. It is a sign of mental development. Yes. One inven tion breeds another one. Technologically we can make discoveries. Yet, if we study ancient literature, like the Ramayana, written 9,000 years ago, you are told about airplanes that machines that fly through the air. So what have we really invented, a lso? We have only re discovered things that were buried in the past. We have not even unfathomed the mystery of the pyramids or the Bermuda Triangle, or things like that. What progress have we made? And that is what we want to do. Not so much the deve lopment of the mind, but the opening up of the heart, where all things are known and all things are felt, and all things are understood, in spite of any environment. That is a cultured man that can do that .

4. U S 78 - 5 If you are put in circumstances, say as a medita tor, if you are put in a room that is filled with all kinds of erotic things, and if you can sit amidst all that and yet your mind is free and unattached from all that, you are then a meditator. But if you go to a forest, and the conditions are so beautif ul and so conducive for you to meditate, then that is child's play. Who is the greater man? That could sit amidst all the distractions and yet have his mind free from those attachments, that is a cultured man. Good. Now, when it comes to man and woman, both are subjected to the environment man lives in. If a person takes birth as a woman, it is by no chance whatsoever. If he takes birth as a man, that is also no chance, it is no accident. It is a plan a nd a design. The previous life might have been lived in such a way where the tolerance, patience, is to be learned. And who's more tolerant, who's more patient, who's more caring, than a woman? A woman is God's finest creation. She has all those beautiful qualities within her the gentleness, the softness (I'm talking of real women), okay? Fine. She has all those qualities inbuilt in her tolerance, patience, kindness, forbearance. If she did not have these qualities, she would not be qualified enough to bear a child. And any mother here will tell you what it takes to bring up a child. The old man goes to work and brings home the bread and beans. That's about all. But it is the mother, the mother's the one that creates civilization. The mother is the one that creates culture by instilling that goodness within the child. And you will always find in spiritual movements that 70% will be women. You will find that, because they are more orientated, they are more heart orientated, to be able to accept things, t o open themselves up to higher forces because of the gentleness, because of the patience, because of the tolerance that they have. Because of that kindness, the compassion. You go driving in a motor car with a couple sitting in front, you sit at the back. If an accident occurs on the road, it will always be the woman that will say, "Oh!" Not the man. Yes. Some men, of course, I'm talking of generally, the majority of men. You see, so how important the woman is. Now, in order to learn those lessons, in order to digest those lessons, she came to earth as a woman. In a previous life she might have been a man. And she needed to learn all these things, so the forces of nature, the stream and force of evolution, puts her in a position to become a woman. Now , the same principle applies to man. Man is the aggressor. He has always been the hunter. He has always been the provider. Those times, he used to hunt for food; nowadays, he might hunt for something else. It's not my business. [Laughter] Good. He ha s always been the provider. He, man, by nature is the provider and the protector. That is his nature, and for his evolution he needs those qualities: to be the aggressor, to be active as opposed to the passivity of the woman. He needs to provide as opp osed to be provided for by the woman. Good. He is the hunter, he is the creator, he is the inventor of ideas, all the time. The greatest inventors in the world have been men. The greatest innovators in the world have been men. I beg my apologies to wo men's lib. Yes.

5. U S 78 - 5 So, by following these principles, man and woman will be performing their true dharma. Now one thing to be realized is this, that these qualities are not in opposition to each other, but they are complementary to each other. With the a ggression, there is that passiveness. With the strength, there is that gentility, gentleness. So, all these qualities man has or woman has are not opposed, but complementary. Now, in a marriage, when these qualities are used as complementing each other, then that home becomes a happy home. Yes. But what happens in today's society, that everybody wants to be the boss. The woman says, "I'm the boss" and the man says, "I'm the boss." Like a friend of mine says, "I wear the pants in the house, but my wif e chooses the colors." Yes. This is symptomatic of the present situation in the world. This is the greatest conflict bringer in this present world that w e live in. Good. Let's go back to the East, not that the East is any better. They have million of f aults. There you will have one divorce in 20,000, while in the West we have one divorce in every three. Why? Because man does not want to perform his dharma, and woman does not want to perform her dharma. In the East you'd find woman always very submis sive, sometimes to a fault. And the man is the boss, also sometimes to a fault. Many times, perhaps. But, there is a beautiful division of labor. A beautiful division of labor which complements each other. Now, there is a beautiful book written thousa nds of years ago called the [Manusmritte?] In there it is said that in the home where women are adored, there the gods are well pleased. In the home where women are adored, there the gods are well pleased. So, this does not mean that the man is bossifyi ng the woman all the time. No, he is doing his dharma. He is the provider and the protector. And the woman is doing her dharma by looking after him, by looking after the home, by looking after the children. She's doing her dharma, he's doing his dharma, and both are happy. Happy, and this comes only when you regard your wife to be a goddess, and your wife regards you to be a god. Then, happiness dawns. But what do we find in today's so called culture is not this complementariness, but competition. Ho w many letters don't I receive where the wife writes to me that my husband is evolving so much faster than me. And outstripping me, or the other way around. That's competition. That's creating friction. Why should that be so? The woman should be very happy and proud that "Oh, my husband is progressing, evolving so fast, and I am a part of him." Then competition ceases. Then complementariness begins. Do you see the point? How beautiful it is where one is a help mate to the other. There's no such th ing as inequality in this conception. Because I said before, where the husband worships the wife as a goddess, and the wife worships the husband as a god.... So it is a mutuality. It is not a matter of independence and neither dependence. It is a matter of interdependence, that's what we need in society. Interdependent. The woman that truly loves her husband will feel the headache when her husband has one, and vice versa. Yes, yes. There is that rapport. There is that empathy. And this happens, so e asily it happens, if there is no competition. "So you

6. U S 78 - 5 went to buy a 200 pound suit, so why can't I go and buy a 200 pound dress." Rubbish! She doesn't think that "My husband is in a position, he is an executive in a large company, perhaps, he has to meet certain people, and he has to present himself in a certain way where all this is necessary. Okay, fine. So I'm at home, I don't need a 200 pound dress. Do I?" Okay, so we have to go out sometimes. There should be some nice clothes, but it never ends th ere. A woman never has clothes. Never. No, "I've got nothing to wear!" Competition. Competition, competition, competition instead of cooperation. We said that a woman is born a woman because it is needed for her evolution. A man is born a man because it is needed for his evolution. Now, if each perform their dharma in the proper way, with interdependence upon each other, then there's no problem at all. Now, this does not justify the man in buying a 200 pound suit when he does not need it. That might be needed more in the home. The wife needs it more to build up the home or to look after the home. But he, perhaps, of his ego, that he wants to look so nice and so wonderful. He works on the principle that the feathers make the bird. Never. Birds mak e feathers. (I wonder if they caught that one? I didn't) So, what we are doing now is laughing at ourselves, and that is good to laugh at ourselves. It's good to face our weaknesses, it is good to know that we should not be victims of our environment, it is not necessary. One can conform to society's laws, which one must. Otherwise, you become a hippie. Pardon? VOICE: What's wrong with that? GURURAJ: That's a different question. I'll answer your hippiness just now. Good. One must conform to society's laws in order to produce a stability in society. A stability has to be produced, for, when man himself, as a unit of society, become s stable, then society automatically becomes stable. Look after the units, and the whole is safe. Look after th e pennies, and the pounds are OK. Same principle. So, it is not a matter of non conformity, or being non conventional. Be conventional, by all means, but let that conventionality be progressive and not regressive, or going backward. Evolving and not d evolving, like the hippy. Good. So, there are many factors in life. Seeing that we live in this world and no man is an island unto himself, as the saying goes, we have to conform to certain things. And, nothing wrong in conforming. Okay, it would look very bad if any of us walked down the street without any clothes. Everyone else is wearing clothes, okay, so we wear clothes. Fine. But, I'm talking about becoming a victim of environment. Because my neighbor has installed a swimming pool, I must brea k my neck to install a swimming pool, too. That is becoming a victim of environment. And, he really would break his neck if he builds a swimming pool, figuratively and literally. You see.

7. U S 78 - 5 So, there is an independence that is to be preserved in one's hom e. And that independence is preserved when? One has to preserve an independence in the home and that independence is preserved when man feels that he is the king of his castle, but that is half the story. He must make the woman feel that she is the quee n of the castle. There is the difference. And vice versa, you see. So, in this complementariness, in this whole theory, or this question, that why was I born a woman, or why was I born a man, the answer's very simple. We are born such to perform our dh arma, and we are to help each other. Man helps the woman and the woman helps the man in the path of evolution and tries to make the evolutionary path as smooth as possible. As smooth as possible. Do you know that 99 percent of all arguments at home are not necessary at all? Do you know that 99 percent of all arguments at home are baseless? Do you know that 99 percent of all arguments at home are fixtures of the imagination? Do you know that 99 percent of all our troubles is just plain rubbish? And w hat a broom we need to sweep the rubbish away! Don't shake your head, my friend; get married and you'll know. [Inaudible voice] Ah, lovely! So you see, so you see. Life can be made so, so beautiful, and so, so smoothe! Give and take! I was telling a young couple this evening that before a couple is married, it is a four legged run; but when they become married, it becomes a three legged run! They join together. The union is not of the body only, and neither of the mind only, but of the spirit. Wh ere mind, body, and spirit functions in a togetherness. And yet you might have opposed views. I know a couple, the husband is a Protestant and the wife is a Catholic. So, what the husband does on Sunday is drops his wife at the Catholic church, then he goes to his church, picks her up on the way back, they go home, they have their dinner. Lovely Sunday dinner. And, they love each other. Their beliefs has nothing to do with their home. So people can live with diverse ideas and not allow it to interfer e with their love for each other. Now this might sound a totally new conception where people with diverse ideas can still live happily together in the deepest of love. And the factor involved there is this: that you, my love, are entitled to your ideas; and I, my love, am entitled to mine. Just don't let us pull out our swords. Keep them in the scabbard. You have your sword; I have mine. We keep them in the scabbards and we love. That's all. And mind you, those two swords look beautiful on the wall crossed. But only on the wall. Yes. Not in the practical, day to day living. There we don't cross swords. And that is performing our dharma. That is why man is man and woman is woman. All these conflicts are created by none other than ourselves. So here we come back to the same old principles of acceptance. And man and woman has the ability the dharma of a woman is to bring out a greater gentleness in the man, a greater tenderness in the man, a greater lovingness in the man, a greater self est eem in the man. Not pride, self esteem in the man. These are the things, plus others, a woman has to

8. U S 78 - 5 do for the man. And likewise, there are things a man has to do for the woman. The man has to make the woman feel like a woman. Yes. Now, that is a d ifficult job. How many men, tell me you, can really make a woman feel like a woman? It sounds so simple, but it is not so simple. To make a woman feel like a woman would be to draw out in her, to bring to the fore, all those qualities we spoke about jus t now. All that tolerance, that patience, that gentleness, that kindness, that compassion, that caringness, that motherliness all that must be drawn out of a woman. Then the woman feels like woman, and she feels like the queen of the castle. And this is not an act, it has to be genuine, because it is genuine. Every woman possesses those qualities. And a lot depends upon the man to draw that out. And I tell you one thing which you can write down in your notebook, it is this: that there's not a singl e couple in this world that cannot make the marriage work if they do want to make it work. All the surface problems can be overcome. All the surface problems can be overcome very, very easily if they love each other, not even too much, just a little. A l ittle is enough, and that seed grows, and grows by understanding. The person that invented twin beds must be shot! Yes. Did you know that? Yes. They have a fight in the evening, and each one goes to his own bed. If you have twin beds, chuck them away, get a double bed! And if the spring sags in the middle, all the better! [Laughter and clapping] And just... there is, if people love each other, there is an automatic reflex action that even while you are dozing off or sleeping, your arm just falls ove r and holds your beloved closer to you. And all those problems of the day, all those conflicts, those fights, are forgotten. Yes. They are forgotten and understanding develops. In a home where the wife is worshiped as a goddess and the husband is worshi pped as a god ah, but to look into each other's eyes, you just melt away! But that is not the full story. To love is not only to look into each other's eyes, but all four eyes to be able to lo ok in the same direction. That helps a lot. Oh, yes. To be able to look in the same direction. Oh, yes. Now, this is what house holding is all about. This is why man has become man and woman has become woman. And this, believe you me, the householder's path is the easiest path to reach the goal, and the most p leasantest one, too! Yes! Yes! Look at all the joys it contains. Do you know, very few people know how to make love? Did I speak about this here? So many.... Do you want to know how to make love? Now look at that. [Laughter] Very few people even kno w how to make love. Most people love with their bodies. And then a bit of the mind is attached to the body. If the body is not stimulate d by itself, it requires the support of the mind to give it stimulation. And then, they think they are making love. That lovemaking is only in thought, mixed with the animalism man has in him. Or woman has in her. Every human being has three sides to himself. He has the animal, he has the man, and he has the god man within himself. Now, if man, through his meditati onal and spiritual practices, achieve a certain measure of self integration

9. U S 78 - 5 between the three aspects, mind, body, and spirit, then he can function as a whole person. He can function in totality. So even then, in lovemaking it's not only the mind and bod y involved, but also the spirit is involved, where there is a complete oneness of the body, the mind and the spirit. And in that kind of lovemaking, the body is forgotten and the mind is of no importance; the mind does not matter. And only the spirit shi nes through. And what happens then is the perfect union where the spirit in you is exactly the same spirit in her. And a mergence takes place. And that is what lovemaking should be all about not just lust. Not lust! And yet every person, every man, has this every woman and every man has this within himself and herself. It is in the chest or the breast it is there, all the time. [END SIDE ONE] AMRIT: Ok, we've just been talking about people having ideals or expectations, and when things don't live up to that, either they tend to distort reality or else get disillusioned. And the question that we had come to was, "What is the proper use of idea ls?" Obviously, ideas do provide [inaudible]. GURURAJ: What is the proper use of ideals? [There is a gap in the tape here] So, therefore, meditate! So damn easy! Yes, meditate. Bring about this integration within yourself and you see every department of life improves. That is what spiritual practices are meant to do and meant to be! To bring about that self integration where every action becomes a real action, a total action. So, in love making, people don't make love totally! They make love partia lly. They either express their animal selves so much that the spiritual self is entirely lost. You see the great difference. This mergence is so beautiful! And that is why this instinct is the most powerful instinct in man. And, it is to be used, not abused. Used in a way where a greater mergence takes place, and if you can find the mergence within your spouse, within your husband or your wife, you find mergence with God. Yes. Your find mergence with God. So, therefore, I say, the householder's way is the easiest way. Here you have an object, a solid object, that you can touch, feel, taste, smell, whatever solid object. And through the concrete, all the vast abstractness of Divinity can be found in such a beautiful form. So simple. Yes. So sh e understood everything. [Laughter] Good. Good. Good. Yes, so that is dharma, that is the dharma of a householder. Now, when this beauty pervades the house, when this beauty permeates the house, then everything else around becomes beautiful. If ther e's that real love in the house, that mergence, that oneness between man and woman, how beautifully those children will grow. Just imagine. They grow up, they're nurtured, they're fed, with the food of love. They sleep with love, they eat with love, the y play with love, they go to the loo with love. (They don't know what that means.)

10. U S 78 - 5 AMRIT: They know what it means. GURURAJ: Oh, do they? "Loo" means toilet. You see, so it's just love, love, and love, and more love! Now, if that is happening at hom e, it is reflected around you. It is reflected so much around you that even in your work, without you doing anything, you just become loveable to people. All your work mates, they they just seem to love you! Without rhyme or reason. You might just s ay good morning and good afternoon, or good bye, whatever. And yet they love you. Why? Why? Because you are loving. That is why. If you are loving, you automatically become loveable. And isn't that what people want? So here is a stable home, here is a stable work life. In the friendly circle, a greater stability develops. "Oh, tonight let's go and visit John and Jeanne, they're such wonderful people!" And yet, in other homes, and I'm sure everyone has had this experience, that you visit a home, and you just wish, "Oh, how soon can we get away!" The atmosphere is such! And in certain homes you can sit for hours and feel just at peace. Why? Vibrations that are created. The vibrations in a home filled with hatred are far, far different than the vibr ations that are in a home of love. I could feel this even in food. If a person cooks for me without the entirety of her love in that cooking, I feel it! I fee l it immediately! And the other way around. Oh, yes. So you see, it depends how sensitive you are to feel, but that is not the question. What I'm trying to say is that these vibrations are tangible. It is not a fixture of imagination, it is there . It is there. This course felt so peaceful here. It has many factors combined to it. Everyone h as become such friends. Closeness has developed such a comradeship! That's a wrong word in America, sorry. Should use that word in Russia. [Laughter] That beautiful friendship, that beautiful friendship develops, one factor, that. Then the guru is there, whose heart is just overflowing with love and love and love, all the time. For everyone and to everyone. He does not feel apart from anyone here. He feels as if they are all just within him, all the time, pulsating, alive with love! That adds t o the atmosphere. Fine. Now, if this same course was held in some hotel where all kinds of things are going on, the vibrations would have been different. Here is, this is a place, a religious place, I was given to believe. There is that certain peace and quietness, also. So all these factors go together to make this such a beautiful course where we can sit and, I'm not lecturing. I'm just chatting away to you. And it feels so close and so lovely and so wonderful, and we laugh and we joke at others and more at ourselves, for our faults and frailties! That is what we want. That is the awakening. To awaken to our faults, and when we do that, then we can do something about it. You know, I can carry on on this for hours and hours. You have a mandala chec k meeting tonight? So does that cover your question?

11. U S 78 - 5 GAURI: On an intellectual level. GURURAJ: Oh, you there, darling. GAURI: Still have to live it out, though, and that's where it gets tricky! GURURAJ: You're going to! Yes. [Much laughter and ap plause!] And sooner than you think! You see, that is why they call me a "householder guru." I have been through it all, and I know what I am talking about. [Laughter]. Yea. **** END ****

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