United States 79-21
3. U S 79 - 21 sell curry. That's all I sell. And this is what I got to offer. You come to my shop and I sell jewelry . It is what I got to offer. And if you want something else, go and find it. Look up in the yellow pages. [LAUGHTER] That's your business, not mine. This is what I got to offer. And this comes from commitment to an ideal. For the prep teachers, bef ore they became teachers, and the full counselors, have experienced the value of their meditations, etc., and they commit themselves to share that with others. And to teach it to others, so that others too could benefit. This is commitment. And the other question would come from this. Why does a person deviate from a commitment? That is the more important question. What makes a person deviate? The reason is this, that although the commitment has been formed as an idea in a person's mind, that idea has not been concretized. It has not become something firmly implanted in one's mind. Now, how does one firmly implant this in one's mind is by adding the heart quality. So in commitment when the heart is brought forward and combined to the mind, the comm itment gains momentum and it gains strength. So in every commitment there is inherent within it also a love. When you promise your bank manager you will fix up the overdraft on such and such a date, you have love, not for the bank manager, but you have l ove for yourself, which means self esteem. So you will do everything in your power to meet the commitment. Likewise, in marriage. You commit yourself to a woman, or the woman commits herself to a man. Now, in this commitment there is an essence of contr act where two separate beings are now contracted into oneness. A compactness occurs. A contraction occurs where as if to say, one soul beating in two bodies. Now, this does not necessarily mean that if the wife loves Beethoven, the husband must like Bee thoven, too. No. The wife might like impressionistic art, while the husband might like surrealistic art. That makes no difference, these are surface values. You enjoy your kind of music, and I enjoy my kind of music. That has nothing to do with our pe rsonal relationship. There is a misconception in the world today that two people must have similar tastes. They must be able to think alike for them to be happy together. Now, this in theory might sound plausible, but it is not so. The idea there is the sharing. And not only sharing, but allowing either spouse to partake of that which she or he likes. Now, if I don't like jazz music and m y wife likes jazz, so what would I do? When I'm out on my appointments or what have you, she can have her jazz conc erts and play her jazz music. Why should I let that interfere? Have your fun, girlie. [LAUGHTER] Yes. It's innocent, good fun. You like jazz, so enjoy the jazz. But when I come home, it would be so nice of you to put off the record player. And if s he is committed to you, she will, as I would put off my Beethoven when she comes in. So here is mutuality. Here is cooperation in the commitment. You see, slowly, slowly, slowly I am pointing out to you all the facets which constitute commitment. So here is cooperation, there's a mutuality, and through that one has
4. U S 79 - 21 understanding that Iunderstand my wife's needs, she understands my needs, and if we can't fulfill those needs completely, at least we can compromise onthose needs and make each other happy. Now, understanding is a beautiful word that has not been understood. Understanding means to stand under. When a person learns to stand under, instead of above that's called above standing. [LAUGHTER] We're talking of understanding. To stand under, t hen our ego diminishes. Then it is not that I am a professor, I am a doctor, I am a guru, I am a s.o.b., I'm a.... [LAUGHTER] Why are they laughing? [LAUGHTER] AMRIT: [LAUGHS] I have no idea. GURURAJ: S.o.b., sob. I'm a sob. [LAUGHTER] Most peopl e are sobbing throughout their lives. [LAUGHTER] You know, all pessimistic people are sobs. That is very true. They keep on sobbing. They keep on crying over every little thing. You see. How you understand, that's your business. [LAUGHTER] Right. S o to understand means to stand under. And when we stand under, we regard the other person to be above. And when we do that, then the greatest quality that any human being could ever possess is humility. When you stand under, you become humble. I would have no shame whatsoever to be humble to anyone in this world. If you are ill tomorrow I'll come and wipe your asses and look after you and nurse you. Why not? What's wrong with that? Aren't you human? Aren't you part of me too? So when you learn to s tand under, especially in a marriage relationship, then each one feels that humility, practices humility, then commitment is automatically carried out to its fullest. And then there's no argument s "Okay, love, what you say is fine." And then the lover would say, "No, no, no, what you say is fine." [LAUGHTER] You know. It's like the Chinese: You in first," you know, each one bows, and "You in first." You know, have you ever been to a Chinese dinner? "You're first." "You're first." "You're first." An d then one day there's one fellow got mad. He pushed the whole lot into the room from the back. [LAUGHTER] Because they were wasting half an hour: "You first." "You first." "You first." [LAUGHTER] Nevertheless. So what we do is in that commitment we develop humility. Now when we develop humility, we develop acceptance, because acceptance is part and parcel of humility. See how all these great virtues come under that word "commitment?" To commit yourself. Good.
5. U S 79 - 21 Now, part of your question was, "Should there be love in marriage before one commits oneself?" Now, this is very dependent upon different cultures in the world. For example, in the East, in India, I might have talked about this before, where the boy j ust meets girl. He sees her and he likes here. A nice girl. And some little attraction is formed. That's about all. You don't even... today things have changed. I'm talking of those days when I got married. He just sees the girl and he likes her. And then, of course, you tell your parents, "Yes, she's alright," and "If you say so." You don't say, "Oh, I like the girl." You see, if only you say so, she's alright, you know, I agree. That's the way you put it. [LAUGHTER] Right. So then, then the pare nts.... (Ah, this is for the [????????].) I'll tell you the story of how marriages take place in India some other time. It's quite amusing, really. [LAUGHTER] So, nevertheless. So they get married, fine. Now, there has been no communication. Perhap s a letter or two after the engagement. But no communication in the sense of the Western way of life. It's a different culture altogether. And every culture has its value. We could never say one is bette r than the other. So then they get married and t hey have first marriage and then love. Now, marriage to them is a commitment. And it comes from a belief system that whoever I marry has been put out for me. They have that belief system and they totally accept the system. Now, I'm referring not to the highly sophisticated city dweller, for India is more than eighty percent villages. And they firmly believe this. Now, for example, the Mohammedan people, the Muslim people, they say that before you are born there are two things this is their culture t here are two things set out for you: your work and your wife. Even before you are born those two w's are there already written down. And that wife is set out for you, who you are going to marry, and she might be at the other end of the world. But someho w or the other you are going to come together. And the kind of work you are going to do is also set out for you. This is what the Muslims believe. Nevertheless, the Hindus they do not have this romance before they marry. They get married and then the ro mance starts. Then an exploration begins of mind, body and spirit. And that exploration, according to my own experience, could become very adventurous and exciting. I come from that culture. I was brought up there. And with that, greater and greater u nderstanding grows, because I've committed myself to my wife and she has committed herself to me. And in that commitment, to repeat again, we have accepted each other. Now, once you can have that idea firmly ingrained in the mind that I have accepted this , then you can make it work. For there are no two people on Earth that has a mutual attraction in the beginning that cannot live together and not make life a success. They can, if they are truly committed. Now, you have these little household squabbles. That happens every day in every home. But that does not assume any major importance. Those little minor things which makes life exciting; otherwise, it would become very boring. Hm? Yeah. Oh, yes. Right. So that is the Eastern culture, where they a ccept.
6. U S 79 - 21 And that very acceptance is a commitment to each other to love and protect through thick and thin, sun and rain, and all those things. You know about them. Fine. In the Western culture it is the other way around. That man wants to feel sure, and so does the woman wants to feel sure that we love each other. Now, they want to feel sure because we in the West are lacking, lacking to a great extent in personal security. We feel insecure. That is why we want to feel sure. We feel inadequate; therefo re, we want to have that surety of adequacy. That is why the mind must be totally convinced that I love such and such. And a second assurance must also be there that he loves me, too. So you need not only one assurance, but two assurances: that I love hi m, number one; number two, he loves me. Now, that is supposed to be a guarantee or a safeguard for the ship to smoothly sail across the waters of life. That assurance we want. Now, that has its value because we live in the West in a different kind of soc iety. Here in the West we believe in total equality between man and woman, which is good, for they are equal within their own spheres. Within their own spheres man and woman are equal, but they have their own place, as well. Therefore, the Hindus alway s believe that the wife is your [ardangana?]. In Sanskrit the word "[ardangana?]" means "half of myself." Good. So there is also a belief in equality there. And the [Manusmuti?] would say, one of the Eastern scriptures, that in the home where women ar e worshipped, there the gods are well pleased. So woman is elevated within the framework of acceptance. Elevated on a pedestal as a goddess. And the woman in turn believes in one thing, [QUOTES IN HINDU], another term which means that my husband is my g od. He in his physical form is a representative of Divinity. And because he's a representative of Divinity I serve him, for serving him is my greatest joy and pleasure. So it becomes mutual. The wife regards the husband to be a god, and the husband reg ards the wife to be a goddess. Fine. That is why the divorce rate is one in every ten, twenty, fifty thousand, because of the idea of acceptance and not necessarily compatibility. For the very idea of acceptance brings about the compatibility in all inco mpatibilities, if one can truly accept. Now, acceptance is a very godly principle. It's a virtue. If you can accept an idea of something abstract, which we call Divinity or God, why can't we accept something which is concrete, that is tangible to us. I t's easier to accept. Hm? Fine. So here in our culture in the West, we first want to fall in love. You never fall in love. You never do. You get elevated in love. You don't fall. Fine. So an understanding is reached between two people. They examine each other. Does he like Beethoven the way I like Beethoven? Does he like jazz the way I like jazz? Does he like Spanish food or American food? Does he like what I like? He thinks the same way. Now, does she like what I like? And in the beginning w hen things are so warm and rosy, huh, that infatuation, you know, comes about and both start liking what each other likes. Yes. Yes. So she says, "Oh, darling, let's go to the opera. La Traviata is playing. It's beautiful. Now, he does not care for o pera a
7. U S 79 - 21 damn! [LAUGHTER] But he says, "Yes, of course, my love." Yeah. "Let us go to the opera." So they go to the opera. He'll sit there and get terribly bored, and at every interval, you know where he would rush to, to get one or two swigs in so that the boredom does not become too boring, because he's half asleep by that time. [LAUGHTER] Right. So what are we doing, that is the point. We are playing games. We are playing games. So the other quality of commitment is honesty. It is good to be ho nest to say, "Look, love, I love you. But, look, I don't like opera. I don't love opera. I love you, not opera. But let me take you to the opera, and I'll drop you there. Right. [MUC H LAUGHTER] I'll drop you there. You enjoy the opera. You know, I 'll go next door to the cinema to go and see Jerry Lewis or... [LAUGHTER] or something like that. I like that." So commitment also means granting each other a freedom. Granting each other a freedom to choose what they like or what they want. But, now, choosing too, and it has to be good, moral, ethical, choices. Because to watch Jerry Lewis is just as ethical as listening to the opera. It's your taste. Right. It is just as ethical to go and see Van Gogh's paintings as to go and see [???????]. Nothin g wrong with it. A matter of taste. A matter of how you were brought up, in what circumstances, what environment, what kind of peer group you had while you were at school, and things like that and what is inherently born in you to govern those tastes. F ine. So here we have cooperation, and a basic sense of honesty that would allow freedom to our spouse. Good. Now, all these things come within commitment, because another word for marriage is commitment. You see. Fine. Then as time goes on, and as the infatuation wears off, then the troubles begin. Because we were in the beginning in the stages of trying to fall in love, we really fell. Now, we have to start getting up, for the infatuation has now faded away. Now, while the boy is courting the girl, and there is good courtship I am talking about, he has always seen her in her nicest dress, well made up, hair well combed. But after marriage he sees her in curlers in the morning and, you know, uhhh.... [LAUGHTER] He's not seen that before. I think that's the way it's done here. Right? I don't know. I'm very ignorant of things that happen here. VOICE: Ohh... GURURAJ: Ohh... [LAUGHTER] You see. So if there is a mutual attraction and people would totally commit themselves to accept each other, each other's faults and frailties, then love grows. If two people meet each other and say, "We fell in love with each other," I would say, "That's a bloody lie." Because love is a thing that grows. It's like a plant, it must come to its fullness. You k now how wheat grows. When the wheat grows and it's still young the stalk stand upright. I upright. But when the cob becomes full it droops its
8. U S 79 - 21 head in humility. It becomes humble. And that is where love between two people really begins. Then you are p repared to under hyphen stand. [END SIDE ONE] GURURAJ: It is not impossible...it is not necessary to have one divorce in every three. They are not prepared to tow the line. They are not prepared to face the challenges, while those very challenges of life could be a spiritual path. Those very sacrifices, or so called sacrifices that one makes, could be a spiritual path leading you to that humility, leading you to that meekness, that gentleness, that childlikeness to which the gates of Heaven automa tically open. As soon as the person of humility, humble person, walks along there's some electronic device that opens up the gates of Heaven. You don't even need to knock. So two people that really want to commit to each other, and is prepared to accept and understand, that is prepared to share.... Now, sharing has many definitions. To share does not mean you have one slice of bread and you give half to each other. That's a kind of sharing, a very mundane sharing. But real sharing lies in our own thoug ht patterns where feelings are shared. And even the most difficult feelings could be shared and accepted if there is that humility. You see. So as these things go on, as these dozen or fifteen virtues I've pointed out, as they develop, love develops. L ove grows. And when one grows in love, you grow closer and closer to God. For God is love. And this can be achieved more easily by the householders. We are all householders. I like one word so much. When I get these forms from America, the lady would write.... In England and South Africa we normally call the lady a housewife. But here in this country you have a most beautiful word, "homemaker." I get so touched when a woman writes, profession or occupation, homemaker. You are making a home. You are building this temple, this temple of love, where not only you and your wife reside, but God resides, too. So, you see, it's a matter of growth. Now, with that, so many other qualities I could point out to you. You develop tolerance. So you are going ou t with the wife and she takes half an hour extra on her make up. So you're tolerant. You accept it. "Oh, we'll go half an hour late t o the party, you know. Who cares? What's it going to matter? I'll sit down with a book and I'll read. Or put on one of Guruji's tapes and listen to something. [LAUGHTER] That will help me more in my tolerance." Yeah. Okay. (I'm a good salesman. [LAUGHTER] I am the best salesman in the world! I sell the message of love and God, without any reward or return. Righ t.) Nevertheless. The tolerance is developed.
9. U S 79 - 21 When tolerance is developed we become patient. Not the kind of patient that goes to the doctor, but we develop patience. Ahh, how beautiful. And this has to be mutual, because the understanding is now there. Both are humble to each other. So tolerance develops, patience develops. And when all these qualities are fulfilled, then truly can we say that the commitment I made I have upheld, and lived according to the commitment I made. Because commitment, too, with the acceptance is also an offering. I co uld go on and on pointing out the virtues of commitment. It's also an offering. I offer myself to thee. Those are the finest words in any language: I offer myself to thee. Not in part, but in totality. That sounds like a poem. Hm. You see . I offer myself to thee in totality. That does not mean I just offer my body or my mind that goes in a different area, of lust, not of love but my soul as well. And to whom am I offering my soul? My body to your body, my mind to your mind and my soul to your s oul; for they are not separate from each other.Body, mind, and spirit is but a continuum on various levels from subtler to the grosser. The body, the grosser; the spiritual self, the subtler. So here is the offering of mind, body and soul. And in this o ffering mergence is found. You merge with your beloved. And when you merge with your beloved, truly merge with your beloved, you have merged with the universe, for you see the whole universe in your beloved. And when you start seeing that, then you see God. Because you are now living God. That is commitment. So the culmination of commitment to one's beloved culminates in the purpose of commitment always culminates in a oneness. And that one is so, so important. All the zeroes behind the one you can throw away. Just have the one, that is important. Once you have that oneness, then the zeroes have some value; otherwise, not. You write a check with a lot of zeroes. You won't get a penny for it. You'd be wasting ten cents for the check itself, so yo u'd be loosing. But the one, once you have found that oneness in life, then all the zeroes can be added. You can arrange that way, or any way. That makes life beautiful. That makes life fruitful in every sense of the word. In every sense of the word. And that is commitment. Okay? Fine. Another short one? We've got ten minutes. [LAUGHTER] AMRIT: [Martha Bishop?]? [WHISPERS TO GURURAJ] GURURAJ: [INAUDIBLE] AMRIT: [WHISPERS TO GURURAJ]
1. U S 79 - 21 GURURAJ: I was very glad to hear some news this morning, that each and every one, without exc eption, is turning up in the mornings for chanting and group meditation. Very good. This is very, very important. I'm sure one of the full counselors might have pointed out to you what chanting does to a person. How it leads the mind to a greater refin ement. And how those sounds are produced in such a way whereby the vibratory level of the atmosphere and the vibratory level within yourself is heightened, and thereby feeling the full impact of that which is within you. So chanting is very important , ver y calming to the mind. And it has many aspects for which it is beneficial. And group meditation also is very beneficial. For where one lags in his meditation the group together that creates the atmosphere helps the person in his meditation, so that when you go home and...or if you are low on your meditation, this is a booster. It steps up your meditations, and that is why group meditations and group chanting is very, very important. I t is for your own benefit. The choice is yours. So instead of eighty percent people turning up, I suppose tomorrow a hundred and one percent will turn up. [LAUGHTER] Huh? Good. Shall we have questions? VOICE: Beloved Guruji, would you please discuss commitment in terms of marriage? [CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me. What does commitment mean in terms of Thy will, not my will? Is love the foundation on which commitment is born, or is it something that comes into being through commitment? Which is the conscious act of will? To whom is that commitment made? Are we committing ourselves to the small i in each other, or to the Divinity in each other? And if it is the Divinity within, how can we remain consciou s of it, and to the commitment we made to it? GURURAJ: Very good. Very good. Very good. You have answered your question yourself. [LAUGHTER] Nice. What is commitment and what do we commit ourselves to? Commitment is an idea first formulated in one 's mind, an idea that would be conducive to our welfare. Nobody commits himself to a life of sin, or commits himself to something which is not good. A commitment is always made for one's betterment, or the betterment of someone else, or to find greater h appiness within oneself. So in short, commitment is always for good. You commit yourself. Now, commitment starts with the formulation of an idea. So it means it starts in the mind. When one makes a commitment, naturally, one has all the intentions of f ulfilling that commitment, and not for it just to become a New Year resolution, which ninety times of the...ninety percent of the time is never adhered to. So a true commitment is an idea formed in the mind which sets one an ideal. So one of the essentia l factors of a commitment is the ideal or the goal one has set oneself.
2. U S 79 - 21 Now, before making any commitment to anything whatsoever, one has to go through a process of analysis. Because firstly, the idea is born in the mind. Now, when the idea is born in th e mind it is fully analyzed and verified to a certain extent, then we do everything in our power to fulfill that commitment. Now, I commit myself to my bank manager, who has given me a large overdraft. And I make a commitment to him that by the thirtieth of this month I will square my overdraft and it's a nice thing to live on, overdrafts. [LAUGHTER] Hm? Yeah. You don't catch colds that way. [LAUGHTER] It's only the underdrafts that make you catch a cold. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. Overdraft that goes over the head. And you know the air is always colder under, than what it is above. Yah. And it keeps you working. [LAUGHTER] It keeps you working hard because, you know, the boss in the bank, you know, he wants you to meet your commitment. Now, when you m ake such a commitment, describing it in very mundane terms, you just don't make a promise just to keep the bank manager quiet, that look, at the end of the month I'll fix up the account, don't worry. You know, I'm a good boy and I've been dealing with you a long time, and I've always kept my promises and things like that. So in commitment the important element is also the promise that you have made yourself to fulfill a certain obligation which is within the commitment. I'm trying to point out to you the various facets which make up a commitment: promise, sense of responsibility, a willingness to work to pay that overdraft at the end of the month, and not just an idle promise. So within commitment, which is the ideal, we have to plan. But once a commitm ent is made, the planning should not be afterwards, but the planning should be before. If I promise to pay my debt at such and such a date, I must plan before what I am going to do to fulfill that commitment. So commitment contains all these various elem ents, and commitment originates with an idea in the mind. Now, you would find people with the best of intentions, on the spur of the moment they will promise you the world. And they mean it. At that moment, they mean it. They are sincere, and yet they c annot fulfill what they have promised. So here an idea was there, but the idea was not strong enough to push you in the direction whereby the commitment is fulfilled. So when one makes a commitment to anything, one has to be very, very careful. It must be carefully thought out on an analytical basis. It must also be thought that this plan is going to work, and I will see that I make it work. So commitment also contains within itself determination, willingness to work and determination. All these vario us facets form commitment. And this applies not only in marriage, but in every field of life. Every communication, every relationship, has within itself the elements of commitment. Now, for example, take our prep teachers or our full counselors. They ha ve committed themselves to teach A.M.S. teachings: all the various forms of meditations, all the various other spiritual practices as taught under A.M.S., and not th at which is taught by other organizations. Let all the other organizations function under their own. We condemn no one and we condone nothing. And neither do we encourage, "Go to this, or go to that." You come to my shop, and in my shop I
10. U S 79 - 21 GURURAJ: Oh, yes, of course! Yes. I'm very sorry, my love. VOICE: That's alright. GURURAJ: I am committed to answer your question, which I will this evening. VOICE: [INAUDIBLE] GURURAJ: Oh, yes. [LAUGHTER] That's nice. Tell me, a matter of curiosity. I wonder if I should ask this. Nevertheless, how many of you feel that you have a question, and even without asking it you find it answered in the talks? VOICES: [ASSENTS AND LAUGHTER] GURURAJ: That's right. AMRIT: Therefore, there's no more questions. [LAUGHTER] GURURAJ: Do you know the reason why? It is the attunement between heart and heart. It is the discovery or rediscovery, perhaps, still on the unconscious level to most. But that oneness, where thoughts, feelings are just known on the level of knowingnes s; no analysis required. **** END ****
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