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United States 86-23

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2. U S 86 - 23 has, naturally it will bring him to my memory. But I will not be attached. So because I am not attached, I will not feel the pain and misery. Because I am non attached. Now, as love wells up from within oneself, so does attachment and non attachment also well up from within oneself. And by proper guidance and understanding, you develop the non attachment, and wherever the re is non attachment, there is no pain. Nothing hurts. Nothing harms you. What hurts you and puts you into misery is your attachment. For example, some woman loves me very much. Is it a non attached love or is it a love filled with attachment? Becaus e I might just smile at another woman, for example, and put my arm around her in loving care like a little daughter or sister. And she sees it, she'll feel hurt because it's attachment. How does he dare touch another woman. She doesn't think of the moti ve. She does not think. She only sees the surface value. I put my arm around Sunita or... (hello, Hill, took you a long time to climb up the hill, didn't it? Keep climbing, for life is a hill and you must reach the peak, the peak of that vast orgasmic ecstasy). So this woman would only view me putting my arms around you or pecking a cheek; why should he do that when he loves me? But she does not think of the motivation. Perhaps I could see in the person's face some sadness. Perhaps I could see that v erging onto some sadness and trying to avert it. Perhaps this person requires some comforting, some support. And all of you do feel and have experienced, those of you that have been with me long enough, that when you are with me you do feel some comfort, some sense of peace, that big daddy is there, or big brother. You have all experienced this, am I right? You see. So the attachment only looks at surface value and not the motivation. If you see a dad spanking a little child, you say "Oh how cruel thi s man is." You are only seeing the surface. But the dad loves the child so, so much he does everything for the child, including wiping his ass. He does everything for the child. He loves the child. He works his fingers to the bon e, we can say. Works h is ass off (that's easier to say) for that child. But the child is doing something wrong, there has to be some form of discipline. Now discipline can be exercised in one of two ways: by explaining and making the child understand; and when that fails we a re forced to use a strap. But the onlooker would think it is so wrong for him to strap the child. So now, motivation not recognizing the motivation, rather is one of the facets of attachment. That only lookin g at surface values. And when you start di ving deeper and deeper within yourself, you will perceive the motive of the person. Even if a person slaps my cheek, immediately my mind would go to his motivation. What made him slap my cheek? Perhaps I have done something wrong, I would blame myself. Now what have I done wrong? By analyzing that I would not do it again. Do you see? And that is how, slowly but surely, you develop that non attachment where you can really love. And it is only non attachment that makes you really love. Now this non attachment does not mean that you give freedom to your husband or wife, or discipline him or her in different ways. You have to, to preserve that household unit that you have built up. Might be a rented house but you

3. U S 86 - 23 know what I mean by that unit that unifies. So there has to be attachment, I mean no man would like his wife to go around and sleep with a different man every night. I'm talking of experience, I've done all these things myself. And no man would like his woman to do that, or th e man to do that. It's lack of discipline. But then the woman must ask herself, examine herself, why does he go and sleep around with other women? What is wrong with me? See? So from whatever facet we look at it, it always reverts around the word "me." Have I been wrong to make him do that? And I'll tell you one thing, it is more of the nature of man to go floating around than it is for women. Although you do fin d extreme cases, but it's more in the nature of man to do that. He's the adventurer, the conqueror. And of course, in my younger days when I was a handsome guy and charming, oozing this charm, and I used to ooze from every part of the body, top and bottom. [laughter] So everything reverts around the word "me." Now, this does not mean 007 l icense to kill. There has to be discipline. And it is very, very good if a wife scolds her husband at times. Not unfairly but reasonably. I know some wives can be totally unfair because of their attachments. And it's very good for a husband to scold h is wife as well now and then. It adds excitement to life and spice. My wife (now which one am I talking about?) is of a very very calm nature and very seldom given to fits of temper. Sometimes I make her lose her temper purposefully. A game. She loses her temper and starts yakking, yakkity, yak yak. [laughter] Then she is busy at her stove and doing things, and I'd go into the kitchen, and I wouldn't tell her to switch off the stove, I'd switch it off myself, and turn her around to me, and hold her in my arms and kiss her as people should really kiss. People don't know how to kiss, by the way. I'll tell you about it just now. Just rem ind me. And I'd make her laugh and smile. Do you see? Now, what have I been doing there? Now certain things because of the kids you know sometimes kids don't do what they are supposed to do or something goes wrong or the toast burns up, which never happens because we try and look after every piece of bread. Do you see? And when I feel there is something welling up in her, so I expedite the process of creating a temper in her and making her let off the steam and be happy and gay as a lark. Happy as a lark. Gay is a bad word in America. Don't know how you people coin your words. Because the real meaning of gay is to be happy and carefree, if we go into the philology of words. As a matter of fact, Peter Moore says, "You are struggling to make a living as a guru. You should have been a professor of philology." Nevertheless, I'm always interested in the etymology and p hilology and all kinds of "ologies" of words. And so, with sweet words and kindness, I do not need to look at a woman and tell her, "I love you." No. Just a look, the gentleness of the face, will make her feel inside my love for her instead of me verbaliz ing it. It is necessary, of course. It is necessary. But I'm trying to tell you which is more effective. When you say to a woman, "I love you" or to a man, what happens is this. It goes through the auditory section through the various drums of the ears I believe there are three. And from there it goes to the mind, and the mind starts thinking, "Does he really love me?" The mind starts thinking that. So

4. U S 86 - 23 therefore women and men always like to have themselves reassured by the woman or the man telling hi s or her beloved, "I love you, my darling." But you must know how to say it when you say it. You must say it with that feeling and that kindness and that gentleness "I love you, my darling." I should have been in films. Yes. You see. So, even at a gl ance, there is that expression on your face that comes from deep feeling. You could say to a woman I love you and it could touch her heart without you verbalizing it. Now that comes from real love, non attached love. And yet, being a human being, you a re bound by the boundaries of attachment. So, although being bound and shackled by attachment, you can still have the attitude and the view of being totally non attached. All these swamis and so called gurus that come to South Africa for example, each an d everyone always asks for me first. And they would come and visit me. I'd chat with them and give them the finest hospitality. Anyone who comes to my home, and those that have been there will know, they are given the finest hospitality possible. To th e enth degree. Because we have the nature. There is a saying in the eastern language, in Sanskrit ["e tee sam nan." ?] Which means "your guest is to be treated as a god." Very beautiful when you understand the real depth of it. And no beggar comes to my home, at least, that gets turned away without being given something. A few pence, depending how much you can afford. Like the widow's mite which was much more valuable than the wealthy man's 50,000 dinars, or whatever you called it in those times. So whatever is there, you give. Life is made for giving and not for taking. Now once, when one develops these attitudes like life was made for giving and not for taking, then that automatically brings you to the sense of non attachment. Now if you were atta ched to those few pennies that you gave away to a poor person, or the sandwich or two to the person who is hungry, it is because you are non attached to those few pennies or whatever you can afford. So you are helping yourself much more than the one who i s being helped. Some years ago, I must have told you about this, I went to see a film by Victor Hugo who wrote the book Les Miserable. And this fellow at that time got caught stealing a loaf of bread because his children were hungry. They had no food, so he stole a loaf of bread. And he was chased round the country, and all kinds of things happened to him, and then he went to take refuge in a church. And as he was leaving, he saw a pair of silver candle sticks, and he wanted to take them and put them in his little bag. And then the priest appeared and said, "My son, life is made for giving and not for taking". Do you see? So how does one start with becoming non attached. You start from home as the examples I have given you. And then you start with the outer circumstances that are around you. If you have not a penny in your pocket to give, it doesn't matter. If you haven't got that penny in your pocket to give it doesn't matter as long as you give your heart in its purity in love. Real love. Sincere love. These qualities develop within you. And they are very easily developed. You'd find yourself becoming more and more non attached, and thereby free yourself from all the pains and sorrows and miseries. But the mind works in a groove. And if you study the brain, all those grooves in there. And you're always running in those

5. U S 86 - 23 grooves. You meet a man, or you meet a woman, and your heart is so set on that man or woman, whatever the case might be, and you say, I want that man or that woman. Okay. H e might be very friendly with you and develop a lovely friendship with you. He might have other motives in mind. He might picture in his mind the bedroom walls, things like that. And you think that he loves you or something, because we men can be very ch arming at times. That is what is meant by taking girls for a ride. It does not necessarily mean a motor car. So be wary. Well, that is beside the point. So, the man leaves you and you feel so hurt because you were not really seeing the man, you were s eeing the ideal that is within yourself and projecting it onto the man. It does not always work out. And that is why we have one divorce in every two and a half marriages, according to statistics. I don't know where the half marriage comes from, but whe n you total it up it works out to one divorce in two and one half marriages. That's like this woman that was pregnant and got into a bus. She asked the conductor, "Do I pay one fare, or one and a half fares!" So, you see, the secret of life... I told someo ne about the secrets of life. I don't know if I should repeat it here. Vidya is my memory box. It's a big joke with us. So all our miseries and sorrows, in whichever sphere you look at it, it could be human communications or relationships, or it could b e this table or chair, whatever; all those things are brought about by attachment. If you have a beautiful home, make the home more beautiful by putting in plants or putting up a little touch here or there. And if you do run short of ideas you can always give Mataji a ring and she can tell you, just put a little leaf here it brightens up the place. You see. Right. So, if you have a home, beautify it, by all means. But do not become attached. It's a home, fine. It's comfortable for me. Makes me relax, makes me feel at home. But that's the outer home. How about making yourself feel at home within yourself. That is the real home. And that home within yourself comes from non attachment. I love a woman very very deeply, sincerely, I would give my life to her. Okay. But, though I'm attached to her, I still in the background am non attached. With her I am at home. And yet the cognition, the recognition, the feeling deep inside, is the home within where I eternally reside, because the object of the att achment I have for this woman I know, physically speaking, would be temporary. She might or I might walk down the road and be knocked down by a drunken driver, or slip on the stairway and break my neck or whatever. Things are so temporary. So, we come to the next point. That all attachments are unpredictable. Remember that. All forms of attachments are unpredictable. And very few attachments find its total fulfillment. It might reach a certain point, that's all. You don't get grade A. You normall y reach up to grade C. Aggregate C. These educationists will tell you, C. So its quite natural that

6. U S 86 - 23 you should be swirled around in the sea of misery. But if you are non attached in spite of being attached. For example, my dearest Laura and Jeff. The y are very close to each other. Now and then they lose their tempers, okay. And then Jeff or Laura would get damn fed up and grab his paint brushes and splash it away. Whatever. Something like that. Yet the union is there. And the union has become so much stronger because our dear Laura is expecting . . . yes, expecting a baby. You see. Now, who has it benefitted most? Conundrum? Is that the way you pronounce it, professor? Conundrum? Who has it benefitted best? Not Laura. She's happy about it. We are having a child, yes. But it has benefitted Jeff more by becoming more caring. Do you see? How the one, by loving the one, by being close to one, you can love two just as much. And three, and four, and five, and the entire universe. And still b e non attached. I love the entire universe. I am one with the universe. And yet, being a human being, I've told you this before, even self realized men, avataras, their body must have that two percent ego to survive in this world, to walk, to function, t o do any of the things that are required to be done. So there would be that bit of attachment even in the most highest developed soul. But let that not take the predominancy, let it not take the beauty away from life. For life is beauty. Total beauty. A s the theologians say, seek and thou shall find. [???] Three parts to it. Something. The day when I started forgetting theology that's the day when I found God. Can you believe that? Because theology puts you into narrow channels. They are binding; th ey form a bondage. It takes freedom away from you. Freedom of the spirit that could soar into the air. It all depends upon your own personal experiences. In Sanskrit there is a lovely... no in Gujarati language there's a lovely little limerick, poem. [ recites poem] It means "where the moon can't reach, the poet can reach." Because if there is a boulder there and the moon shines it will only shine in front, the back will always be shadowed. "Where the moon can't reach, the poet can reach;" because a poe t can bring into his poetry the light and the shadow. And where the poet cannot reach, the experienced one can reach. So it's all a matter of experience. So to be non attached comes. Non attachment is an experience. Be attached, oh definitely, be atta ched. Now let's take Jeff again for an example. I don't know why I pick on you all the time. But always sweetly and with love. You know that. Jeff would dance up and down when Laura first told him "darling I'm expecting." How beautiful. He dances a round they are going to have a baby. You see the joy. But he has not seen the baby, he doesn't even know if it's a boy or a girl I can tell you by the way, I'll tell you later. Who was it on the last course? Judy? She had just go tten pregnant and I said it would be a boy. She said, "I would like to have a girl." I said, "No, no, no, it's going to be a boy." And she had herself examined by some test amniocentesis and they found boy. It's very easy. I must teach you the art. Put up a board out side. Do you want to know what your child is going to be, a boy or girl? And fifty percent of the time, you'll be right. [laughter] And if you're lucky enough you might reach up a bit more in the percentages. But to be always accurate, that's the secre t. By being non attached.

7. U S 86 - 23 When you are non attached you can view a thing as it is. Which is not conditioned by your feelings or emotions. Because in your judgment, although one should never be judgmental, but people are like that by nature, they are jud gmental. But those judgments are always connected with the emotions, the feelings, the experiences. Do you see? But when you are non attached, you are free of those emotions and feelings. You rise above them all and you have clearer vision of the situa tion outside yourself and within yourself. Do you see? So, attachment and non attachment and detachment. To repeat, detachment is escaping from a situation or from yourself. Like many of the sannyasins we were talking about, most of them run away. They can't face life so they become swamis and sadhus and put on orange robes. [END SIDE ONE] I would put on $600 suits. Thank god I got friends that give me presents of this nature or else I wouldn't be able to. In any case, I was telling someone this mo rning while I was getting dressed this morning, I don't mind coming into the lecture hall totally naked. I don't mind, what's wron g with it. I'm me. In any case, I would have to be naked if I really want to know God. Strip myself of all the ego sense I have. Strip myself completely bare to be in the presence of the Presence. Do you see? But because of convention and to respect other's feelings, you discipline yourself, and you wear clothes. This is a form of discipline but not attachment. Do you see . And of course our chelas that love me very much, nothing but the best for the guru. A way of expressing themselves. They can afford it. Okay. A thing given with love is not to be refused, because you are accepting the love, not the suit or the shirt. You are accepting love, the expression of their love. And you return it tenfold, always. Do you see? So, you can drive around in your Rolls Royces and you could have mansions and the finest antique furniture, whatever your heart desires. But be non attached. If I had to sit here on the floor, or sit here in a chair, to me it would make no difference at all. I'm here with you, with my beloveds, so what does it matter if I'm sitting on the floor or sitting on a c hair, whatever. There is one practica l purpose of sitting on a higher level, so everyone can see me. There is eye contact and you get their attention. That's all. But I'm not attached to this chair. Do you see now? I've tried to explain in so many different . . . oh, dear me. What time i s it? Oh, only two minutes left. Oh, God. I'm just about to get into the subject. [laughter] ROOPA AND VIDYA: "Go ahead, there's still 10 minutes or so" GURURAJ: That's the brains you have! I've explored it from so many angles, and when I say I've still got to get into it, what have I got into? Humph! That's an art you know, to teach without making people feel they are taught. Okay.

8. U S 86 - 23 Taught has two meanings: taught means to teach, and you have a rope that is taut. So, when you teachers that are here, when you teach people don't make them feel that you are teaching them. Let them feel part and parcel of you, you're teaching them. Once they realizing you are teaching them something they become taut like that rope. Tight. Do you see? So, do not become detached. Forget that. You don't need to go away to a seminary or an ashram. Because that seminary is within you, ask any man. [he laughs] Naughty. Oh, now he catches it. You don't need to go away to the forests, not necessary. Go into this forest within. Cut a straight path to the center. Oh, yes, you will find a lot of overgrown trees and bushes. You might have seen it in movies where the hero takes a long sword or whatever machete and slashes and makes his road to his goal, t he center. There the beautiful lake of non attachment is found. The lake of immortality. Just a dip in that lake of non attachment will transform you immediately. Its cool, soothing waters cleanses you. The problems are only in the preparation, that's all. And what we are doing is just preparing with our spiritual practices to get away from attachments, and most attachments are very petty, really speaking. Eighty percent of attachments are petty. And all pettiness is based on . . . pettiness has a lot of facets and one of them is vanity. So you try and remove yourself stage by stage from becoming vainglorious. And vanity and selfishness is another facet of attachment. Unkindness. You are only thinking of yourself, not of that poor fellow who is s uffering out there. All these things go to make up attachment. But being non attached does not mean you are not going to help that man that is in distress on the road there. You help him with non attachment. That means you help him for the sake of help ing him, because that love for his hurt wells up within you. That is what is meant when it is said in the Bible that Christ suffered for the sins of men. That is the suffering. Seeing people suffer made him suffer. He didn't suffer to take your sins awa y, definitely not. That's a different subject. That is the suffering. So when you recognize the suffering or the turmoil or the torture of others and you help in any way you can, by sympathy, by comfort, any means, then you are taking that suffering away from you. That is true repentance. That is true repentance, that is the true austerity, not like some of the Hindu so called Yogis standing on one leg for months and months or looking up at the sun until they burn out their eyes. It is a waste of time, it gets you nowhere. Or even amongst other religions they have these austerities and repentances. You have churches that say you must repeat a certain prayer or a certain formula five hundred times a day to repent. It does not help you, it does not. Y ou do it because the priest or pastor or reverend said that and you do it in a parrot like fashion. What great benefit is there? But to put that into action, real action in a non attached way, then it has value. And every bad thing a person does rebound s on you ten times. And every good thing you do rebounds upon you ten times as well. So you are always the gainer in one way or the other. Do you see?

1. U S 86 - 23 LIVING NON ATTACHED GURURAJ: What shall we talk about this morning? VIDYA: When we withdraw attachment from loved ones, we seem to enter a stage of de tachment that feels distant. How can we live non attached without being distant from those we love? GURURAJ: Very good question. Firstly, when you feel attachment to the one you love, then it is not love. Because here you are objectifying your love an d becoming dependent upon the object of your love, while real love is a subjective thing. It wells up from within oneself; it does not require a crutch. It does not require something else to make you love it. You look at these flowers and you love those flowers. Is the flower returning its love to you? No. It just is. And you are the one that is loving it, so therefore love is a subjective quality. That's the wrong word though, because love needs no qualifications. Once a person in South Africa was s etting up a computer mating bureau. You have it in America because it is copied from America. And then so many questions asked and you fill out if it's a man how would you like her to be, what height, what color hair, what do you expect of her. Right, in your togetherness and friendship things like that. And all the questions were based upon one's personal need; while real love needs no need. So when you love for the sake of love itself, then attachment vanishes. And then you do not become detached. There is a great difference, and I spoke about this. You know, funny enough, Vidya was telling me this morning that in the 12 years that I've been lecturing around, people have covered practically every question. And she finds it hard to find a question that I could bite into, that could be creative. Nevertheless, a thing could always be looked a from another angle. Because there are always many angles, many spokes to the same wheel. So, when you have attachment to a person, it is not love, it is depend ency. When you become detached to a person, you are withdrawing yourself in some form of escapism. So where lies the answer? The answer lies in non attachment, where you find non attachment in attachment. Like action in inaction, and inaction in actio n. So you are attached to the person, in some way or the other, not as a crutch, because the dominant quality there is non attachment. You are non attached. For example, if my wife or my son dies tomorrow I will not be grieved, because I am non attach ed. Of course I would remember the wonderful qualities he has. ([To air conditioner]: Ommm.) Because of the wonderful qualities he

9. U S 86 - 23 So, the finality would be: be attached, but be attached in a non attached way. It sounds paradoxical but it is true. As a matter of fact, everything, if you can observe it properly, is paradoxical. Life itself is a paradox. Everything is paradox ical. But to find the median, the mean, the center, then paradox ceases. Because both ends converge and mer ge into each other and there are no paradoxes. There is no left and there is no right, only the center remains from which non attachment and love and compassion and kindness springs like an eternal spring. It just springs and springs out of you to others . That is the secret of life and love. And it has to be lived. No use having life if it is not lived. Good. You all had breakfast this morning? How about fasting for lunch? Anyone disagree? [Laughter] One, two, three out of 40... Stomach orient ation, yes. I'm just joking of course. So do have a lovely lunch. Enjoy yourself. As you are masticating your food... I don't know, to be a guru is the world's worst job you can have. You've got to teach them everything. I remember teaching a woman h ow to put on a bra the right way. I had to teach another person how to use a spoon, that when you have soup you don't dunk it in that way and gulp it. You take the spoon delicately at the edge. Or how to use a knife and fork. Everything can be done to p erfection, or near perfection. Try and do it because that brings discipline into your life. Even the handling of a fork. Little things, little things that mount up to a lot. It's only gra ins of sand that makes up this big mountain, all plastered togeth er. Its only drops of water that makes up this vast ocean. Take the drops away, there is no ocean. You see. So now, you sit down and you are putting the food in your mouth, don't gulp it down. I had to teach one woman we were sitting at a table eating . And of course I had to be very tactful about it. Sometimes I can be like a tack, and sometimes very tactful. You know what a tack is, do you call it that in America? Depends upon the circumstances. And she actually used to with a fork shovel the foo d into her mouth. I'm not even two forkfuls done and she's finished the plate. She shovels the food. No, that's not the right way to eat. Masticate the food when you eat, so that the saliva and the other juices would mix well with it and aid your digest ion. These things you all know. So, the real enjoyment of the lunch or dinner lies more in the masticating and savoring of the food that's there. Because when you shovel it down, you don't savor the food. You miss the taste. ***END***

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