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1. U S 87 - 5 ANGER AND AVATARAS Gururaj: If I ask for a cup of tea or whatever, He is asking that. Where is your obedience? Where is your merging in to sublimity? Where is your devotion? That you will not find with me, for my guiding factor is the love that comes from Him that I give to thee. You will never, ever understand the madness of the master. Have you enough of the madness to understand the m adness of the master? And yet every word is every breath which is none else but truth, and truth given in such a way to make you understand that which is understandable. So your first duty is to stand under and not above. That constitutes the varied f aces of bhakti yoga. So get out of my life, I don't need you! But I am sure there is some power that needs you. If I ask for a Coke, I want it to be there. If I ask for a scotch, I want it to be there! And none of you have the right to tell me what I ne ed or what I want for that particular moment when it is needed for my health. I asked for a scotch this afternoon, and they rummaged in my room and stole. Thieves! Have they got the right? Do I come rummaging in your room and look in your cases and suitc ases? Do I do that? What right have you to do that? So, I am feeling damn mad! Divine madness. Because I am leading you to that divinity through your bhakti, and His instrument you deny so that you could not even give me any food to eat! I have not eat en the whole day. But was there any person here kind enough to give me a piece of bread to sustain me? No one! So what the hell are you here for? Go home right away! I'm telling you the meaning of anger which is the other side of the coin of love. For i t is none else but the two sided coin. How many of you have been concerned that your guru had a piece of bread in his stomach for the whole day? Knowing so well that he is a diabetic and needs that sustenance? How many of you have even thought of that? And you say you love me. Bullshit! Someone gives me a gift of love but to be taken away to put in their own pockets. Is that love? And I know what I talk about. I am in total control of myself. And yet at the same time, I reflect you. Vidya drinks ha lf a dozen bloomin' scotches a night. Do I care? Let her be happy. That I care for. So please stop bullshitting me. The guru's orders are his orders! And they come from far above me. Not of this physical body because I do not have a physical body seemingly so perhaps. How many of you have seen beyond this physical body? You have not. Not even the woman that sleeps with me every night in fond embrace. Even she cannot see. So, how can I blame you? So, leave the shit aside and become the bull, the bull of courage, Nandi, Shiva and Parvati's consort, the vehicle that takes that mahayogi, Shiva, into the beyondness of the beyond. Who are you to rule me? You are only ruled by your own personal angers, and how far are they? What do you know about them ? I know everything about them! I know which

2. U S 87 - 5 makes each and every one of you tick! If you should have an itch, just speak to me and my fingers will go to that very itch that is there. The trouble with you guys is this, that you overestimate yourself and underestimate divinity that is present in physical form. And then, you with your limitedness try to rule or boss around that which is unbossable! So, I would say, fuck off! I don't need you. I only need myself and my God with whom I am one. How many of you have realized that you are in the presence of that divinity? How many? You see this body and these limbs and these arms. That's all you see. But see further what he represents. For he that is one with Him. How many of you have seen or ever tho ught about when Jesus said, "I and my father are one"? Father means the impersonal, and He is personified to bring the impersonal into a personality that could converse with you and talk to you and love you and hold you in fond embrace to make you feel th at there is that. "Thou art That." And yet, turning the hand around, you will start knowing that I am That which you previously thought thou art that. So, the thou becomes your inner self. So, turn your hand around and say, "I am that! Brahmasmi! Brah masmi! Brahmasmi! I am that!" And all your stupidity will disappear knowing that you are That. You are divinity incarnate. So, be free like me. Not the caged bird that is in the confines of the cage, but fly, soar up in your own personal freedom where you soar and soar and soar to such greater and greater and greater heights, and you feel free. And I promise you this, your wings will not become tired, for even in its flapping, it will gain a greater strength when more it flaps, soaring the skies and breathing that prana of divinity. Know this for now, and become free. You are enmeshed by your own thought and guided by that. Remember that! Where does your guidance come from? Only from yourself. That's where your guidance comes from. But if your ow n inner self is not capable of it, seek guidance from the true lover, the true friend, the true guru. And, in the beginning, find the guidance from him until you find your o wn guidance which is none else but He guru, God, and goodness. And, who are you to control the guru, the goodness, and the god? Who are you that you in your own limitations... Who are you? You're a piece of shit! Realize that, that I am a piece of shit. But let me rise higher than the stink that I am producing around me. And yo u can do that. You can convert that stink into the fragrance of Vicki Lowe's flowers. So, how far have you reached? Some of you have been with me for twenty, ten years, twelve years I don't know because time is measureless. How far have you progressed in the discrimination of knowing what is stink and what is truth and what is divine? How far have you progressed? And all the machinations of your mind just keeps you twirling and twirling and swirling within those very machinations because you have not succeeded in separating your little personal self into the universal self which your master represents.

3. U S 87 - 5 So, you all tell me you love me. Bullshit! I don't believe a word! Merge into it. For only through mergence will you find your real self. To find t he subjectivity you require the knowledge of objectivity. And you bring closer to you the objectivity. So, it merges in your subjectivity until you do not know what is a subject, and you do not know what is the object. For all becomes one. And that is t he truth of bhakti yoga, of jnana yoga. That is the essence. So if I ask for a glass of water, why do you deny me that when you should really know that I and the glass of water are but the same. I'm composed of seventy percent water, as you all are. So t his little sip is not going to make any difference. [He takes a drink of water.] But learn to sip. Learn to sip the essence of divinity. And the guru is there to make you sip the essence of infinity. All the world that existed around Christ denied him . But Christ did not care as I do not care either. So therefore I say fuck off out of my life! I don't need you. You need me because I am the essence of truth that was and is and forever will be. You think you guys are doing me a bloody favor, hm? I would like to have this hall filled with two or three hundred people, but where are the organizers to do it? They send out a couple of newsletters and think that they're doing hot shit. It's no t so! I could walk around the streets now, knocking door to d oor, and get them all here. That's the power, the force which divinity has granted me. But what do you do? You sit around and shit around! If each and everyone of you had just to bring two friends with you, and I'm sure you have more than two friends e ach and every one of you, then my effort here would have been more worthwhile, though no effort is ever lost. Nothing is lost. Everything is there. And the words I speak are traveling far and far ahead for generations and generations that will follow. To deny divinity of a glass water is to deny divinity itself. Remember that. A man comes begging to your door for a piece of bread or a glass of water. You're not giving it to the beggar. Remember this! You're giving it to God! And yet, I've seen begga rs like me, beggars of love, being shunned. But I accept it. So what's wrong with that? Nothing. Perhaps that could be a means for the giver to know the essence and value of their own divinity. You claim yourselves to be human beings. You do. You're not human beings! If you were real human beings, then why do you display animalism? Though there is nothing wrong with being animals, too. If you want to be an animal, be a real animal. Don't be in between. Or thinking that you're human and behaving like an animal. No one today had the decency to offer me a slice of bread or a cup of water. Who are you? What shits are you? Has anybody cared? Someone that comes twelve thousand miles away to be with you? Has anyone cared of his well being? If he's going through heart pain and that sugar problem, diabetes, this that and his cancer, and his legs are lame. Look! Look! Look! These legs are rotten, but I travel on them to give you some wisdom if I may through the forces of the Lord. Twenty, twenty two people here. Ha! Is it worth my effort? It is the fault of the organizers that do not know how to organize. Where is the publicity of TV ads, newspaper write ups, and what have you? You send o ut a couple of

4. U S 87 - 5 newsletters to the old guys, ok, and they know even without sending them newsletters. Just a word on the phone. Twenty two phone calls. That's all. Guruji's here. Come along. That's all. And they think they do so much. They do fuck al l. It's a pretense which I am not bluffed by! How many of you have brought one extra friend with you and I am sure you have at least one friend to listen to the message of the divine? I don't know why I get so involved with shits that does absolutely nothing at all! To print out a newsletter I'll take exactly less than five minutes and post it off at the same time. Big deal. So, get out of my life! And that feeling that you have within yourselves that you're doing so great. Rubbish! You're bluffi ng yourselves! You're doing nothing to advance the messages that I have to give not only to you twenty people, twenty five people, whatever. I don't know. I never get proper accounts. Where is the more of it, and where is the moral of it? You mean to t ell me, Jammu, you could not bring a friend along to enjoy our togetherness? Or any one of you! Nevertheless, I comfort myself with knowing how Jesus lived. And even his twelve closest disciples ran from him. His closest ones that he traveled and tread ed those untarred paths, teaching and teaching and teaching. His feet blistered, and his heart was sore. I know that feeling. I know it because I lived in his body. I'm very sorry. I'm giving you guys hell. Only for the purpose to make you realize that get out of your hell and proceed further. That's all. For your own sakes. Nothing more. In these three or four talks, how many had the sense to type it out and give it to me in the evening and say this is what you spoke about? I don't know what I speak about. But in the evening I could edit it and say: "Right. Right. Right. Reword this, reword that, or do that." And then all these talks, more than five thousand of them, are never transcribed so my words are lost. A few of them are. And they do i t so wrongly, too, at the same time. So remember this. You have to do your part of the job as I do my part of the job. Will you allow me to have a sip of this water instead of telling me not to have a sip of it? [Drinks. Coughs] You're forty minutes l ate [to someone not identified] because I started at exactly half past eight. [Coughs] There are so many of you that love me so deeply. And there are some that pretend to love me which, of course, is a pretense. Do I need your pretense? Do I need you? I don't! But the bottom line: you need me to make you realize yourself where you are at. And that realization of where you are at will draw out greater and greater beauty that is within you. That is my object of traveling thousands of miles for these fe w people here listening to me. So, you shitasses, get off your bloomin' asses! I'm being very hard tonight, but there is a purpose to it. Think about it, and you will realize why I have been a bit hard. And tomorrow morning you will feel very soft that that guy conveyed a message because of his love for you so that you could regenerate yourselves in finding greater and greater love which is already you.

5. U S 87 - 5 Get your minds straight. Don't be so muddled up there! The thing that puzzles me is you've got nothi ng in your minds and having nothing, you still get muddled. What is the factor that makes you so muddled up? I don't know that. If there's no substance there, which substance could conflict with another to create the muddling? You're all idiots! I dee ots. I do it. And what are you doing? Just fucking yourselves up! That's all that you're doing when life could be so beautiful and so pleasant and so, so joyful. Take the example of me. There you are. I wanted to shit you out, and I've done it. Wit h all deep and graceful love. It's nice to have your son or your daughter and pamper the son or daughter. Ok. But sometimes you have to pick up the strap. That's what some people need sometimes. Perhaps not all the time. So stop being fuck ups within yourselves. Rather do it in instead of up. Reach yourself the essence of yourself. And I'm there to guide you and help you reaching that essence. Or else I wouldn't travel twelve thousand, fifteen thousand miles for these few kids of mine. Means nothi ng. Open up your checkbooks, by the way. At least to cover my cost because the first thing Vidya does is to take off my plane fare. Do you see the job I have to do? But to me it's a joy. It's fun. To be close to my beloveds. Even if they are few or m any. It's a lack of proper promotion that does not fill this fucking hall! They don't know how to do it! Sending out a few newsletters to old friends. What the hell is that? Get new friends, too, involved. [Coughs] And believe you me, Bucky Fuller c harges five thousand dollars to give a talk. And my talks are a million times better than his. What do I land up with when I reach home? Not even the mortgage, the monthly mortgage for the house I live in. That's what I land up with. And yet I have fri ends that are so kind. They're so kind. I don't know what they give. You are saving two percent from your income tax. It's not a total write off. It's two percent. I've studied your American system. If you want to give something, send it directly to me, or else don't send it. What's that two percent of ten dollars, huh? Twenty cents. And you're trying to save twenty cents where there's a personal contact. And, for twenty cents you're losing that personal contact between guru and chela, that love r elationship for twenty cents! What's wrong with you guys? From now on there's no financial family! Cut! If you have love for your guru, send it directly. And you can always put a few notes whatever color they are in an envelope with your letter. If you want to. It's not important. Because through will force I will still find my way around. I didn't eat the whole day today, but I'm still alive. Ok. So, when a chela wa nts to give something to his guru, do it directly. Not through a third person. Because he has a direct connection. The third person cannot create that connection. And what do I know how much is given and how much is not although I am totally trustful. Remember that. Tonight was a S H I T T I N G O U T night to put some sense in your heads.

6. U S 87 - 5 [END SIDE ONE] Let's have some nice questions and go away from the present subject. [someone whispers to GR] Yes, my darling. [Long pause as someone picks up the microphone to ask GR a question.] Ummm, get behind me devil. [Chuckles] I love you. Jammu: I love you. Guruji, at death the subtle body as well as the physical body of an enlightened man is discarded, and his spirit merges with the ocean of divinity. Is spirit individualized or universal? And, without a pre existing, samsk aric, subtle body, how can an enlightened being ever take physical birth again? Gururaj: Hmm. He is talking of those stupid avataras that come to this world to help humanity at large. And yet true avataras are never, ever recognized. The true avatara, though realized as he is, will always be a fence sitter. He can merge away that drop of water into the ocean and disappear there or else come back to help the world. He does not want to do it, but there is a gravitational pull that makes him come back , because from time to time things happen in the world where the world needs a balancing factor. And he comes to create the balance, like AIDS has come to lessen promiscuity. So, it is you that have called me into your world. I did not want to come. I f elt it beautiful and comfortable there. And I came so many times in so many bodies: in the bodies of Christ and Buddha and Krishna the whole works. But because you are calling you are shouting therefore, I had to come. So, these are universal factors that govern the imbalances created by you. So that other guy in the form of Christ or Krishna or Gururaj has to come and suffer your sufferings. And, you do not have the decency to give him a piece of bread! Why do I need to come to you? It's for you. What do you do in return? Huh? What do you do in return? Ask yourself honestly. What do you do in return? Nothing. You don't even know how to love him. Because loving the true master is giving your entire inner being of bhakti yoga to him, a self sur render to the object which produces one's inner surrender. So, the object becomes a mean and the method and the path to the inner subject until you feel one day that the subject and the object is none else but one. And in that oneness all the glory is fo und. That beautitude. Infinite beauty. Infinite solace of the aching heart is found there where the heart does not ache any more. Ahh. For it is filled with peace because of the object that is made and which becomes the subject.

7. U S 87 - 5 So, where's the diffe rence between you and me though you treat me like a piece of shit? Shit also has its value. Yes. It has. You've got to evacuate, otherwise you get sick without evacuation. So, everything even in spite of how it stinks it has its value. Regard this world to be the same. That any obstacle that confronts you never mind how it stinks it has a purpose: to cleansify you. That is the school of life. Those are the lessons to be learned all the time. And that is the real value of the avatara that come s to bring the message of love and peace. At times he'll smack your buns wherever and whenever it is necessary, like the naughty child requires a bit of strapping sometimes. Yet, making the naughty child know that you're giving your total love to him or her. So, with these supreme beings that know of all existence... tries very hard to implant his own existence within you so that you too could know of his knowingness in absolute love and bliss. Yes. That's what he does. There is no knowledge that is new, but to present day's existence, he makes the old knowledge into something that becomes new. And I had to go through all this. Christ and Krishna and Rama and Buddha never taught any practices. And yet, I convey to you all the knowledge of whatever there is and yet give you the tools at the same time that in previous existences I did not give because the time was not right. I said, "Just believe, believe, believe." Today's world does not want to believe. They want exp eriential value. They do not want to believe that sugar is sweet. I make them taste the sweetness of sugar so then they know the sweetness of the sugar. So, that is the difference between your Christ and Krishnas and your Gururaj. I come with the tools as well as age old knowledge put in a form that you could understand. Realize, realize for now.... What a funny word "realize" is: composed of lies. Hmm? And that's what you believe in. Hmm? And you recreate all those lies all the time to "re the l ies" and not the truth, for there is no truth that could exist apart from you. You are the truth. You are the life. You are the existence. And that has nothing to do with lies or re lies. It is truth. And how ma ny of you can formulate that truth with in yourself. It is simple, very, very simple. It is closer to you than your own breath. Just say to yourself ever and ever again that "I am the truth and, being the truth, the path for me is forever there. For, I am the l ife of the truth that creates t he path on which I tread." Beloveds, that is the wine. That is the bread. Huh? Do you see the meaning of truth? That you are it? You are it, you are the life, the truth, and the path. For, life and truth will show you the path not to go somewhere f urther away but to bring you back on the path to yourself to enjoy the bread and the wine. [long pause] I am the bread, and I am the wine. And you are the wheat to make the bread, and you are the grapes that make the wine. You are it all, for bread woul d not exist without the wheat, and neither would wine exist without the grapes.

8. U S 87 - 5 So, there you are. That's simple realization. That I am it all. It will bring to you self confidence. Not guilt. And eve rything else that could make your lives so, so happ y. I am Jammu. I am Balraj. I am Darmesh. I am Chetan. The women are not important. I beg your pardon. Of course they are. I'm joking. But say: I am Jammu. I am Darmesh. I that am, nothing can detract me from my amness! I am it! Just take the " sh" away because that is where you get muddled. I am it, not shit. There lies the secret of life. Do you see, my beloveds? There lies the secret of life. Which is really not a secret at all. I wonder why the word "secret" has so much to do with "secr etion". I don't know why. "I O N." Yes, ions. Get it into your system and breathe freely like a bird soaring the sky. And find that beauty, that beautitude which is the truth and which never is made of any form of lies. That is the truth. So I go to m y goddess divine, to truth. And I worship her, and I love her, whoever she might be. Great goddess, great goddess. It's all labels that we belabor upon. But there is the manifestation of the Manifestor that keeps you going. So progress on to truth, th e truth. Ahh. That's where you have to go. I've been talking too long. [Tape stopped for a bit then turned back on.] [When tape resumes Gururaj is singing Jai Ram and finishing up with shanti.] Vidya, please remind me tomorrow or whenever we reach home to phone [?????????] because they're doing the "shanti" very wrong. Shanti, shanti, shantiiiiii. See the voice lifts up. They're doing it wrong. It's nice to remind him how to do things properly. For should we not all try and do things in the best man ner we can and achieve properness? Perfection. If we can. That's good to have an aim in life. Aimless aim. So therefore you chant: "aim hrim krim ..." [laughter] [Someone helps GR to get up and removes microphone.] Ahh, thank you, Beloved. Namaste. **** END ****

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