I'm in The Hayes with the boys on the last course held in England, but have not this time written a diary. GURURAJ was very tired throughout the stay. We sang and participated in the Satsangs the best we could.
I have written, that I just started my soup, when I was called up for lunch with GURURAJ along with Charles, Jytte, Dhanjee, Brinoo, Karin and Juleika, from Israel.
L., had come the previous day with her two boys. GURURAJ had mentioned her in his Satsang and the conversation now came on the same subject.
Bjørn participated in the morning chant and meditation as well. It was very beautiful. Benjamin stayed in bed and rested as he did not feel too well, but he was ok later.
Normally GURURAJ would come down to say goodbye to all when a course was over. This time he did not. Was it to make it clear to us that: "There are no Goodbyes". At least that's how I interpreted it.
At 7:30 p.m., Rajesh and Jasmini phoned to tell me that GURURAJ had passed away at 10 am this morning and had been cremated in the afternoon at 5 o’clock. It was a shock. It was totally unexpected and seemed unreal. Surely on the last course in March we were probably all aware that there was not long again, he never made a secret of it, but the fact that he passed only two months later was hard to understand. I wonder how the future will be. How are we going to proceed? It's hard to imagine. I felt absolutely devastated and a sense of loneliness welled up inside me. But the boys, especially Bjørn, are a great help. He is so sensitive and understanding.
The ashes of GURURAJ ANANDA YOGI were scattered at Seapoint, Cape Town, South Africa on 18th May 1988.
I had taught my first seven students before that date.
Humbly, I finally understood the meaning of GURUJI's loving letter to me. If he had not pushed me hard, I would never have started neither teaching nor what he called my dharma.